Pillars

Chapter 20: Now is not the Time (Lorin)

I reclined my window seat as the plane reached cruising altitude. Mom buzzed the flight attendant to ask for a blanket.

"You're cold, mom?" I asked.

"A little."

As I reached up and adjusted the overhead fan, I could hear Taylor and Kelci giggling and gossiping in the row in front of us.

"He kissed you?" Taylor squealed at a volume that announced the news to the entire cabin.

"Shhh!" Kelci hushed her. "You don't have to tell the world."

"Why not girl? He's hot!" Taylor said.

Kelci shoved her playfully. Since the first day at Grayson's, those two had been inseparable. I wondered if their friendship would survive Kelci's relocation and new career. Honestly, part of me envied Taylor. I never had a close bond with my little sister, and now I regretted it.

"Did you know about that?" I asked mom, leaning back in my seat.

"Yeah. He's a good kid," mom said.

She tucked her memory foam pillow around her neck and closed her eyes.

"You seem happy lately," mom said. She rolled her tired head over to meet my eyes.

"I'm doing better," I admitted. "I just wish things would have gone differently with Adrian."

"Kelci tells me he's been texting her to check up on you."

"Really?" I processed this for a moment. "Why doesn't he call me?"

"He's trying to give you space. Did you know, the day you left, he called me?"

"Was he angry?"

"No. He was scared." Mom placed her cold hand on my arm. "He loves you. You should call him."

Leaning against the oval glass, I tossed those words around in my head as I watched the plane's wing slice through the thick clouds. I turned back toward my mom to ask what I should say if I called him, but mom had lowered the black sleep mask over her eyes.

Taking the hint, I put my headphones on. I watched for a minute as mom's breathing turned to soft snores. Then I tucked her cold hand back under the blanket, and pulled out my journal to work through my jumbled feelings.

Back home in Indiana, I sat on the lavender hand stitched rug in the middle of my bedroom, folding the remnants of my past life. The back-laced floral mini that I used to wear with my ice pink Gucci t-strap sandals garnered much attention for me in high school. Now, they lay in the bottom of the cardboard box ready to be sold at the second-hand boutique on Willow Street. Just like the extensive makeup collection that sat untouched on the dresser beneath the vanity mirror, the wardrobe that filled my closet belonged to another girl from a different lifetime. I didn't feel like trying to impress people with designer clothes and expensive handbags anymore. A weight had lifted off me when I finally removed the mask I had grown accustomed to wearing all my life.

"You need help?" mom asked from the doorway of my room.

"Not really." I stared forlornly at my half empty suitcase. Most of the things I wanted, like my  Converse sneakers and my favorite jeans, were still at Adrian's apartment in New York.

"Okay. Well, Kelci went over to Taylor's. And I'm going take a nap," mom said.

I taped up the last few boxes and stacked them in the corner of the room. I twisted my hair up in a messy bun, and flopped down on the bed with my phone. As I scrolled through Instagram, then onto Twitter, the same old things filled my new feeds. Political banter and shaky videos of college kids hanging out at parties. Then something caught my attention, and made my heart ache. Adrian had posted a picture of himself holding three envelopes addressed to law programs at Vanderbilt University, NYU, and USC Gould. He captioned the photo, "Apps are in. Wish me luck!" Regret and pride swelled in my throat.