The Double Dimple

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Those thoughts kept me up at night. All night. I'm miserable. Why can't I have a life?

At least no one else has to go through this instead of me, I couldn't even imagine if someone else was in my place.

I take notice to everything at school. I listen in to peoples conversations, I watch people as they speak with their eyes. I want to know if something haunting is going on with someone, I want to help that person.

But what help would I be, I won't even use it?

I know it's kind of rude and eavesdroppy but I have nothing else to do, I can't just turn my ears off when people talk near me. Also it's not like I gossip.

I'm just one of those people who listen to everything, I am quiet as a person so every noise, every word, every person, everything sticks out. I know all the gossip and crap at this school which is a downside.

Nick, Cody, Brandon and Jackson just wont quit. They are non stopping talking machines, they are constant and aggravating.

The human body has 7 trillion nerves and they manage to get on every single one of them.

Why aren't they understanding that they can stop, all they are doing is annoying the crap out of me all day.

I can't get another detention because I'm still healing from the last one. I just need to calm down and focus, breathe, let everything settle, I need to keep my cool this time because I can't get hurt again.

With Jackson as my new neighbor plus window neighbor he could learn everything in a split second. I have no clue what he would do if he found out what happens to me in my house.

He could tell everyone and I'll become a target at school or he could keep it to himself and I'll keep getting tortured by my Uncle. Maybe he'll contact the police and I get killed or he gets arrested for however long and I'm free.

I don't know what I should do, there are just so many possible risks that I don't think I'm willing to take.

In this house, in this life I never know what's going to come next. I don't know that when I walk through the door that I'm ever going to walk out of it.

I'm at lunch, eating the food I want on my tray, a milk, a ham and cheese sandwich with mayo, and a frozen fruit cup. That's what my lunch consists of everyday here, that's the only food I could afford with the money I have today.

I continue my job at the cafe after school today too, Im glad I get about an hour away from him.

I was sitting alone at the table in the corner listening to music with my cheap earbuds.

Once boring and uneventful lunch went by I went to my last classes of the day. Science being one of them and I loved that class.

I have to sit around people in every class I have but usually they pay me no attention, I just hope it stays that way.

I hate boring classes more than normal people I believe because I have nothing to do but think. You can probably guess exactly what I think about. It takes over my mind and no matter how hard I try to think about something else it pops up and doesn't go away.

I wish I didn't have to think about him hurting me every day, the way he touches me, the way he talks to me, the way he treats me as if I'm not needed to anyone.

Every time I think of Uncle Simon I want to cry, but I can't do that in front of people, that's why my head is always down in school.

Every time I look at him I'm filled with pure hatred and anger, I want him to stop hurting me because the pain I sleep in and wear every day is exhausting and of course it hurts a lot.

Science already went by and I was stuck in a classroom with people who pay me no mind, which is the way it has to be.

I look over at Jackson and he gives me a smile and I just stare at him. Thinking about what he is thinking about me, what he thought when he saw my damage.

He won't care

He doesn't care for you

He will only leave you like everyone else will

You are worth nothing

You are ugly

You deserve far worse

Those thoughts rang in my head as the school day went on.

You are a waste

You are ugly

You are pathetic

I shook as my chest rose and fell and I gulped as I clenched my eyes shut. The words ringing in my head, constantly. His voice. Jackson. I exhaled shakily as I clutched my head in my hands and gripped my hair.

You are nothing and you will always be

Slut

Whore

Orphan

I hate you

I was breathing erratically and everything stopped around me, all I could hear was Jackson's voice in my head.

Weak

Annoying

Liar

Useless

"Stop it" I whispered desperately. I felt people touching me, hazy voices surrounded me as I shook and gripped my hair. My breathing was fast.

"Stop it!" I whimpered.

No one likes you not even your parents

You don't belong here

Kill yourself

Keep crying, b*tch

"Stop it!" I barely breathed out as people shook me but his voice in my head captivated me. I gulped as my breathing got even faster and my body shook. Why is his voice in my head? He doesn't even know about my parents. What is happening? This is not real. This is not real.

"This isn't happening! This isn't real!" I shouted as I shook, my eyes still clenched shut.

"Stop it!" I yelled angrily.

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" I repeated as I clenched my head. I screamed for it to stop, the words, the taunts, but it wouldn't. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I begged for it to stop but it wouldn't. I saw him, sitting at the window across from me, he was yelling at me and throwing things at me.

You are a loser

You are pathetic

You have nothing here

Kill yourself

You are not needed

I hate you

I begged for him to stop but he gave me that look, that look that I can't stand. I saw hatred in his eyes.

"Please" I begged as I cried. I clutched my head in desperation. I fell on the floor and curled in a ball as I begged for it to stop. I was screaming my head off and crying loudly. That was when someone lifted me up that I blacked out.