a beautiful world | wolfstar

you measure

Remus was in the library, trying to read. He stared soulfully at his book, willing his brain to translate the words into some sort of humanoid sense.

However, he once again caught himself thinking about that night in the cupboard, and the way Sirius had felt, and the way those grey eyes had looked at him, and the sounds that had issued from that lovely red-lipstick mouth -

The boy put his head on the table, frustrated. That had happened over a week ago, but here he was, still getting horny like the useless hormonal teenager he was.

God fucking fuck his brain.

Through his distress, he felt someone tap his shoulder.

"Erm, Remus?"

Remus looked up. "Oh, hello Lily."

Lily sat down beside him, chewing the inside of her cheek and rubbing her palms together.

"Hey, you alright?"

"I - I kinda need to ask you for some advice - "

"Don't ever let a recipe tell you how many chocolate chips to add, you measure that shit out with your heart."

Lily blinked. "That's - no, that's not what... what? Are you okay?"

Remus shrugged. "Fucking peachy. Continue."

Shooting him a concerned look, Lily kept talking. "I think..." She sighed. "I think I'm in love."

They stared at each other, green eyes nervous, amber eyes blank.

"You're in love?"

"Yeah?"

Remus' face split into a wide grin. "You're in love!"

"Yes, I think we've established that, thank you."

"Oh my God." Remus leaned forward and pulled Lily into a hug. "Oh my fucking God."

"You swear too much," Lily mumbled into Remus' shoulder.

"It's one of my many talents." He pulled away, still smiling. "Who is the lucky person?"

She turned as red as her hair. Remus smirked.

"Ah, don't worry. I already know."

"No, you really don't."

"It's James."

There was a tense silence. Remus leaned back in his chair, looking smug. Lily stared at him.

"Am I that obvious?"

"Definitely. But he doesn't know."

"Oh shit." She thumped her head on the table. "I - " thump "am - " thump "such - " thump "an - " thump "idiot." thumpthumpthump.

Remus put his arm under her head to prevent her from doing further damage. "Why are you an idiot? Apart from, like, in general, but why does being in love with Prongs make you more of an idiot?"

Lily huffed, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "Rude. Also, why do you call him Prongs?"

"I had this weird fucking dream once. Sirius was a dog, Peter was a rat, and James was a stag."

"What were you?"

"Irrelevant."

She frowned. "No you're not. But then why are you Moony?"

Remus blushed, twisting a loose string from his jumper sleeve around his fingers. "I kinda really love the night? I stay up late a lot and the guys found out and yeah. It's my favourite time of day so..."

"That's adorable."

"Shut up." But he was smiling sheepishly. "Anyway, why are you an idiot for loving James?"

She stared at her lap, brow furrowed. "Because he likes me."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"He's probably built up this perfect version of me in his bloody birdbrain. And he's been doing so since first year." Lily looked up, not quite meeting Remus' eyes. "That's a lot to live up to."

"Lily, look at me." Lily obeyed, eyes a sad shade of green. Remus raised his eyebrows. "Are you for real right now?"

"No, of course not! I am totally good enough for James fucking Potter! What were you thinking?"

Remus flicked her forehead. "Calm your tits, dude."

"My tits are very calm. I have no idea what you're talking about."

Snorting, Remus turned back to his book. "Well, I don't think you should worry about it. Tell him when you're ready."

A pause. "Okay, I will. Thanks, Moony."

Remus smiled absently. "Anytime, you ginger bitch."

"You're so mean to me."

"Sirius pays me."

"He's gonna die."

"No kidding."

Lily got up, smiling sweetly at Remus. "Honestly though, if you tell anyone, I will dissect your liver and feed it to your anus."

Remus' eyes widened slightly. "Point taken."

"Au revoir, friend." Remus watched her go, red hair bright against the soft browns of the library.

He sighed, closing his book slowly. Reading would be impossible now.

Although he was happy that Lily liked James, and had full faith in them getting together eventually, he couldn't help but wish it were as easy for him.

Sirius didn't like him. And Remus loved him with every inch of his heart, but he just wasn't good enough. He was never good enough for anything, and that was something he had to face.

He stared at the dust that drifted down from the ceiling, soft silver light nudging its way through the windows and weaving carefully through the powdery white clouds. It rested gently on the book, murky shadows flooding like ink on the table.

Remus was studying the damp silhouettes with a bizarre amount of attention. But this was how he stopped himself from spiralling.

He didn't want to think about Sirius. He certainly didn't want to think about himself.

I mean, honestly - who ever does?