●°•~Boyf Riends Oneshots~•°● (ON HOLD)

Spaghetti And The N Word

good title, huh?
be prepared.
this is some weird ass comedy.

Michael and Jeremy were high as fuck.

When you get high as fuck, you're hungry as fuck.

So they decided to make spaghetti. The noodles were done, the sauce was on the stove. The heat was way too high, so it was bubbling and splattering all over the goddamn kitchen. The noodle to sauce ratio does not work. There is 2 boxes of noodles and 1 jar of Prego traditional marinara sauce.

"Dude," Michael said, taking a hint of his blunt, "am I allowed to say the n word?"

"Uh.. no, dude. You're Filipino." Jeremy said, completely justified in this conclusion.

"But, dude.." He said dramatically. "I'm... a little bit black."

"No, bro, you're... you're a Filipino."

"I AM GOING TO SAY," He declared loudly, "THE N WORD!"

"MICHAEL, NO!"

"NNNNNNN-"

And then, Jeremy noticed something. The spaghetti noodles.

So you've got your boyfriend, high off his ass and about to say the N Word, and a shitload of spaghetti. What do you do?

Well, if you're Jeremy, you take a fistful of spaghetti, look at your boyfriend, and fucking slap him with it.

In his movement, he knocks the noodles off the counter. They are now everywhere. Michael began screaming and shaking the noodles off. They fly everywhere. They stick to the walls, the cabinet, the ceiling, the floors. The fly into the sauce, which then basically just explodes. It flies everywhere, covering Jeremy and Michael in thick, italian tomato semen.

The kitchen is a goddamn mess and they look like angry hamsters who broke into a soup kitchen.

Sabrina enters the room and proceeds to laugh hysterically. Jeremy and Michael are now sobbing hysterically, both holding fistfuls of noodles. They're trying to wipe the sauce off the floor using the noodles.

So here they are, crying like motherfucking Tom Hanks in Castaway, spreading tomato paste and italian seasoning all over the kitchen floors and counters using goddamn hulk-sized handfuls of spaghetti noodles.

Just another day in the Mell house, folks.

my goal was for this to read kind of like a john mulaney bit
did i achieve said goal?