CheckMate || BBS Crew

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Now showing private messages between RoastMasterV2 and Fitz

RoastMasterV2: hey

RoastMasterV2: can we talk? I kind of want your opinion on something

Fitz: yeah, always, Ev

Fitz: what's up?

RoastMasterV2: what do you think of me?

RoastMasterV2: I know you say all these nice things to me but honestly, I want to know what you think.

Fitz: wow what a loaded question

Fitz: well all those nice things I say about you are true, because you /are/ very helpful and know what to say and when I need to hear it and you're considerate.

Fitz: I just think you need to be nicer to yourself, Evan. From what I know, and I may be wrong, but people around you are not as considerate as you and they don't think the same way you do and that causes a lot of conflict. I think that if the way your friends act really affects you negatively you need to talk to them or find new friends. I know being nice to yourself is probably something you've been having a hard time with, but I want you to try.

RoastMasterV2: I think you're the only one who's ever really listened to me

Fitz: what about your boyfriend?

RoastMasterV2: I don't really talk to him about this kind of stuff

RoastMasterV2: I guess I'm just scared that he might leave if he really knew what went through my head

RoastMasterV2: then he'd get mad

RoastMasterV2: and

RoastMasterV2: I don't want to be alone

Fitz: that's why you need to talk to him, Evan. I know it may seem scary and that all these things may change, but it's going to be ok. Relationships are about understanding and communication and trust, and if you don't have that, then why are you in a relationship to begin with?

Fitz: he /loves you/ Evan and I'm sure he wants to listen to whatever is bothering you and whenever it does

Fitz: you aren't going to be left alone, Evan

Fitz: because even if everyone else leaves you, I'll still be here

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RoastMasterV2: thank you. For everything. Your kind words and advice and for just being there for me, even when I seem impossible

RoastMasterV2: thank you

Fitz: Where's this coming from all of a sudden?

RoastMasterV2: I'm sorry. I'm complicated.

RoastMasterV2: and I keep using complicated as an excuse and I'm sorry for that too. That's not right, especially since you're my friend and you've been there for me even if you don't know what's going on. I'm sorry

Fitz: no need to apologize mate it's your business not mine

RoastMasterV2: it should be pretty easy to tell, but I have anxiety and depression. And probably a lot of other problems but mainly those two. I'm sure you know already because I keep constantly needing reassurance and I disappear for days at a time only to text you just begging for a distraction. Not that hard to guess I'm fucked up, huh?

Fitz: oh. this is what you're doing.

Fitz: that's not bad at all by the way!! I'm just surprised that you're opening up!! That's great!! Progress!!

RoastMasterV2: it didn't use to be as bad as it is now, but I guess the past year and a half was pretty hectic and nothing felt right and everything seemed dull but I kind of just ignored it because it never seemed like my friends would care enough. They always told me how I held them together, so I guess that meant that I must already be together, right?

RoastMasterV2: a lot of things happened, like a lot. but I won't go into detail because I'm really not ready to but just know it was really crazy

RoastMasterV2: I hit some really low and vulnerable points, points where I didn't even think I could come back from because just when it seemed like there would be hope, something else would be thrown at me

RoastMasterV2: I felt almost scared to talk about how I felt because everyone always thought I was overreacting and that I should just listen to their excuses but I knew i was purposely lied to and honestly it really sucks to be lied to

RoastMasterV2: which makes me a hypocrite because i lied to them too

RoastMasterV2: but I also hit some of the highest points of my entire life. There were times when I felt so happy I couldn't believe that it was actually real, and those are the times that count, I guess

Fitz: Evan, you really didn't have to do that, not that I don't appreciate because I do, I just don't want you to feel like I pressured you because that was never my intention

RoastMasterV2: the last thing I wanted to say is

RoastMasterV2: in the past six months, I have attempted suicide, tried to get better, ultimately ending up failing because I'm just that much of a piece of shit, and falling right back to where I was before I tried to die

RoastMasterV2: and honestly, I probably would be dead if it wasn't for you

RoastMasterV2: thanks for being my friend

Fitz: fuck Evan it's literally eight in the morning where I live and I'm sobbing so loud but I don't care because I know that took a lot for you to admit and just-fuck.

Fitz: you don't know how much it means to me that you trust me with your story and that I actually stopped you from doing that I'm actually shaking you don't understand

Fitz: thank /you/ for being my friend Evan you've had such a huge impact and i can't imagine a world where you're not here for me Evan or where I'm not there for you

Fitz: I love you, Evan

Fitz: In a completely platonic way

RoastMasterV2: love you too

RoastMasterV2: don't worry about it, btw, I didn't feel pressured at all. I just figured it was about time you understood how complicated I am

RoastMasterV2: also

RoastMasterV2: I decided to talk to my bf

Fitz: aww that's great Ev!! Tell me how it goes!!

RoastMasterV2: I will

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Now showing private messages between RoastMasterV2 and Jon

RoastMasterV2: hey