Already Gone - Kjmila

Surrender

A/N: This kinda deals with anxiety so there's that trigger warning.

KJ was devastated, trying his best not to tear up after her confession, she was carrying another man's baby, he was her husband, and he's no longer there for her or the child, his child.
God, this was messed up, every single thing about this was messed up and he can't help but feel sorry for her. She's now alone, her parents left earlier due to work and Charles' parents decided to leave since they preferred mourning with 'blood' family for their lost, so it was just her and the baby.

"Did he know?" asked KJ silently clearing his throat, "Did Charles know about this baby?"

Shaking her head against his chest where she leant Camila said, "no, I found out that day and before he could reach back home i-it happened."

That was when his tears spilled, "how could this have happened to her," he thought.

The door was slightly ajar when Cole passed seeing both Camila and KJ crying, he knew how much KJ loved Camila, he was the only one in the cast that knew all of KJ's planned dates and surprises for her back in 2017. He never understood how Cami never appreciated the little kiwi or totally ignored his feelings for another guy. What he did know was KJ still loved her, no matter what and that was something he was always confused about, he always came back for her. "No one can change the past," Cole thought as he closed the door quietly and made his way back to his room.

Camila started shaking, he breathing became heavy and he started panicking.

"Hey, hey what's wrong?" trying to pull away from her embrace to look at her but she just kept her head down however, he can still see that her tears were falling more frequently as she began shaking her head unable to speak.

"Cams, look at me, I'm here for you, but you need to tell me what happening," he said frantically.
  
"I c-an't be a-a-lone, I'm scared and I've be-en having anxiety ever since –"

"Ever since what?"

"Ever since you left me." She said quietly, head still down, but the shaking simmered.

Her breathing was still heavy so KJ said, "Look at me and focus on me okay, I'm not leaving until you relax."

"Breathe when I breathe, okay. Watch me." He added.

Holding her hands in his, he showed her how to follow his breathing andshe did.
She looked so fragile in front of him, and his heart broke all over again. She toldhim that she started getting these attacks when he left, he caused this uponher and he couldn't help but cry all over again.

"You're scaring me right now Cami, you're shaking again tell me what can I doagain."

Camila said nothing she just turned around so she can lie back against hischest settling in his arms. He grabbed on to her hands in front of them andtold her to focus on his breathing again and they stayed there in silence. KJgot a sniff of her strawberry shampoo, as he pressed the side of his faceagainst hers.

When her breathing calmed down finally, she murmured, "I don't know what I didwithout you Kage."

"Same here, I don't know how I went all those years without you sweetheart," hesaid smiling down at her.

She rose off him, looking him in the eye but not saying anything. His hand wasstill on one of hers and his forehead crinkled, "What?"

She simply leant forward closing her eyes.

KJ looked her, bare faced stained with tears, her eyes closed still lookingbeautiful as ever, but he couldn't even if he wanted to, so he tilted his headto the side letting her lips fall to his cheek.

Camila opened her sad eyes, inconfusion. "Didn't he want this?" she thought.

"We can't, you're vulnerable at the moment and this isn't what you want, I'mnot what you want," he said with his voice getting softer very word he said.

"I just made a fool out of myself, of course you don't want me anymore, it'sbeen years," she said laughing to herself. "I'm an idiot."

"No you're not, what do you mean by that?" KJ whispered, "Of course I stillwant you babe, you're all I ever want."

He tried finding her eyes but she felt ashamed even so now her cheeks are redand all she wants is for the night to be over.
"Why didn't you allow me to kiss you?"

"You're hurt, and I think you resent me a lot in life already for me to makeanother mistake." He wanted to, he will always want to but she just lost Charlesand she's pregnant and he's having a hard time believing he's still here withher.

"I can't give myself permission to do something I wanted for years, in exchangefor your needs right now and what you need is to sleep."

"Kage, stay with me," she replied, scared and sad that he'll leave her again,she lost her best friend once and now she needs him back. No one understandsher like he does.

He grabbed her hand that's placed on the bed, and placed his other on her chin,"I want to stay, god Cami you don't know how much I want to stay, but if thislost hadn't happened, I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't have you in my arms, andyou wouldn't of even tried to kiss me. I still don't know why I wasn't enoughfor you, but right now I need you to breathe and be okay. I won't leave untilyou're asleep."

They both lay down facing each other, tears gathered in both their eyes, butnobody said anything. It had been both a sad and tired day and they needed torest. KJ drew random shapes on her hairline which helped steady her breathinguntil her eye lids became heavy and sleep took over. He stayed there 10 extraminutes admiring her, the beauty that she is, and such a beauty that couldnever be his. Maybe it is too late, maybe it's all in his head. He sucked inher image and went off to the guest room to sleep. 

Words: 1053
A/N: I don't know how to feel, because I make myself cry every chapter. However, I do promise a happy ending for these two. Also, when school starts my schedule would be weird, so I'm updating this book for a while until I get out of my writers block for my other book. I also might do a Varchie one shot book so let me know how ya'll feel about it. Until next time. :)