Chasing Destiny || K.S.J x K.T.H ☑️

Choices

With food in my hand, I followed Seokjin at the lake. I texted him and he said he was there. I am always excited to see him especially now that I have something to offer.

"Goodevening!" I greeted with my boxy smile. I hand him a sandwich and a bottle of juice. "That's your favorite. Chicken Salad."

"Thank you!" He smiled getting the food from my hand. "How's your meeting with your dad? You finally decided to come home? I guess that's good for you."

I shook my head, he had been convincing me to go back home and be with my parents. "No, we talk about me running our hotel business."

His eyes widened and a big smile flashed from his face while he munched on to his sandwich, "Oh my God Tae! That's an excellent news. I'm so happy for you. I'm so proud. You see? Your dad trust that you are capable of running it."

"Jin, he wants you to work for us in the hotel restaurant. As the head chef." I stared at him. I saw how his expression changed and how his chewing went slower by the news that I just said. "Jin it's a big opportunity for you. You won't be needing to go to France anymore. This is your dream right?" I smiled holding his hands.

I saw how he struggled to put his thoughts together. He tried opening his mouth several times but no words came out. I didn't know what he's thinking about. And at last,

"Tae, I've made my choice already. I want to work in France. We made choices. I don't want to make another wrong choice again." He said.

My heart broke but what he said, "So I'm the wrong choice?"

He sighed, "It's not what I meant. I chose you and I chose my dream. But I made a choice to try chasing my dreams first. That's what I really wanted for me long ago. Long before i met you."

"So you will leave me?"

"Are you making me choose? Do you want me to choose?" He said, his voice cracked.

"I do." I said. That's all I can say.

"Taehyung please. Don't make it hard for me and for you. Why do you keep on doing things that will only hurt you in the end? Please don't tell me that I did not warn you. We've talked about this before. You know that I am leaving."

"So you think its easy for me? To let you go just like that? I did everything just to make you stay. I swallowed my fucking pride just so you will not go and leave. But you still choose to leave me. It isn't fair." Frustrations hit me.

"So you regret everything?" Tears fell from his eyes.

"I don't. Because i love you."

"I guess you already answered your question. Tae, you made your choice, we made choices. When you made yours, you don't know if its wrong or right. You'll never know until you try. And even if it's a wrong choice, you still not regret doing it. Why? Because you love doing it. That's what you want. It made you wiser. You learned from it. It made you a better person. It comes from you, remember? I'm leaving because that's my choice and I will never know if my dream of being a chef in France is for me if I will not try chasing it. But if I'm already there and I realized that it's not for me, I will not regret it because that's my dream. That's what I wanted to be. That's what I wanted to do. I just want to try Tae."

"So i'm just a second choice?"

"Tae i love you so so much. But right now, yes, you're my second choice. Because this time, I'm choosing myself first. Myself is my first choice. I need to learn how to love myself first before I can give myself entirely to you. I'm so tired giving my time and my all to others. I'm so tired following what they wanted me to do without thinking on what I really want for myself. I'm so tired living in the shadows of others."

He hugged me. Resting his chin on my shoulder.

"I just want to give time for myself and for my dreams. You can call me selfish but yes, I'm choosing myself right now. I don't want you to be part of those people who dragged me down just because or their own selfish needs. I don't want you to be like them blocking me to do what I really want for myself. I don't want to live in regrets on why I didn't try. Tae, please, I hope you will understand. I hope you know what I'm trying to tell you. I don't want you to be like them. I know you're different. I know you are far more better than them. You are Tae. You are a better person."

We just stared at each other. I can't understand why he thinks I am a better person when I can't even think that I am like that. He trusted me so much. He wanted me to do better. Maybe that's the real love and not the love that I've known?