2 weeks || ryden

[6.13]

     "there's someone here y'know." i stated. the crunching stopped. i peeked from behind the tree and saw him.

     the reason i was here in the first place.

     "why would you be here out of all places?" i stood up and walked up to him. "i thought you would try and stay clear of this place ever since that thing i did that caused you to ignore my existence."

     he stood there, eyes widened once he realized i was the one who had told him there was someone here.

     "did you know i was gonna be here? is that why you're here? to make me hurt even more?" i balled my hands up into fist and attempted to fight back tears.

     he said no words, he just stood there, but then looked down and shoved his hands in his pockets.

     "still gonna act like i don't exist, huh? gonna ignore every single fucking word i said over a goddamn kiss." my vision went blurry due to the tears building up. his face should've became a blur as well, but of course, in my mind i could still see it.

     "you know i'm here, you fucking know it. now, are you gonna say anything or continue to be a prick?" i wiped my eyes and took a step closer.

     he looked up and stared at my eyes, looking afraid.

    yeah right, he's only pretending to be scared so that i can feel even worse than i already do.

     "what's even worse is that, even after all these years, i still can't get rid of you. i never got over you, and i don't think i can! you ruined my goddamn life, but you still manage to find your way into my thoughts." i shouted.

     "i've liked you for so long, and just as i thought i was finally over it, you just had to show up again and make my worries come back. do you know how much you hurt me when you just left like that? i'd understand if it was like, a day, or a week, or a few more weeks, but seriously? it's been fucking years and you still manage to tear me apart. i should be used to this but no. i'll always have feelings for you and i hate it. i hate you."

     i finally broke and tears rushed from my eyes. i fell to the ground and curled up into a ball.

     "but i can't hate you. you're too... you. and i can never hate someone like you. and even while i scream at you for making my life miserable, i still know that it's my fault. i can't just blame you for my mistake. i'm sorry, but no matter how many times i said it in the past, no matter how much that will just run through my head, it doesn't matter." i sniffled.

     i wiped my eyes and looked up at him. his eyes were pink and he looked like he was about to cry.

     he wouldn't cry over this. he's trying to make me feel guilty. he doesn't care.

     "don't even try and act like you're sorry. i know you're not." i got up and looked at him straight in the eyes.

     "fuck you ryan ross. fuck you." i said before making my way down the hill.