The Little Wolf

Chapter 23 | Tears and letters

"Then I guess I shall keep this letter to myself and read it as inspiration for my poetry about star-crossed lovers" Oberyn took out of his pocket a letter with the black unbroken seal of the Greyjoys, with their kraken on it. She clenched her jaw as she saw it. She felt her heartbeat rising as she felt a piece of her old life there.

"Give me that" he lifted his eyebrow suggestively at her command. She spoke with authority as if she meant to attack him. She still hadn't come to terms with what she meant at that moment or why she reacted like that but she instantly took the letter out of his hands. "I apologize, Oberyn. If you'd excuse me, I'd like to go away to my room so that I can pray in peace. Given that I do not seek counsel from the Seven, I believe it would be more appropriate if I'd ask the Old Gods in private"

"I believe you have to do so," he said with a smirk. She bowed softly and went away, heading to her chambers as she held the letter to herself.

When she got to her chambers, she placed it on the desk inside her chambers as she sat on the bed while looking at the seal. Should she open it and let the words bring the feelings she presumed dead float again? Should she burn the letter or throw it in the sea and be done with it? Would she regret it if she did?

Winter Rose sniffed the letter as she climbed on the desk and brought it over to her while sitting there waiting. Lilia rolled her eyes as she finally grabbed the letter. Then, she smelled it with reluctance out of hope that it would smell like home. Instead, she only smelled the strong fragrance of Oberyn Martell.

With a lot of hesitation and after what seemed like hours of debate, she broke the seal and opened the letter, closing her eyes for a second and took a deep breath before coming to terms with herself and allowing herself to read it.

"Dearest Lilia,

I wish to send you my greatest and deepest condolences on your father's death. As you are well aware of, Lord Stark has always made an effort to be a father to me and I shall cherish him until my dying breath.

I have heard about your whereabouts and what terrors you have been through. When I learnt the news about the monstrosities that you had been a victim of, I nearly lost my reason and my mind. The very thought of you being hurt made me blind with hatred and revenge that I promise you I shall take in your name.

I know I have hurt you in the past but I was barely a man grown and though it is not an excuse for my deplorable behaviour, I beg for your forgiveness in these times of pain and sorrow since a man can only admit that he was wrong.

I have dreamt about you every night, more intensely than I have ever had until this point. Every single night I used to dream of your smile and the way you would always look so perfect when riding your horse or when concentrated on getting your needlework done perfectly. Lately, I have been dreaming about embracing you and helping you get through these hard times.

I do also confess, much to my own embarrassment, that I have remembered our meetings in the Gods Wood, and I take no pride in telling you so for I know it is not appropriate for me to have such thoughts.

I do not know what your brother's intentions are for you but I do know that I have followed him to war and fought by his side to free you and your sisters from the Lannisters. And we both know he is aware of our encounters years ago.

Whatever his intentions for you might be, a man can still dream, and I have certainly dreamt about this tonight.

In my dream, I would wake up by your side with my arms around your bare waist, kissing your cheek. Then, you would wake up and stare at me with your beautiful, innocent eyes and I would kiss your lips as I had done many times before. You would smile during the kiss and once the air gave out, you would press our foreheads together still smiling openly. And then we would stay there, as dressed as we were when we came into this world, lying in bed as we shared our deepest concerns.

Eventually, we would get out of bed and get dressed and we would attend to our duties. But not before we broke our fast with our children – two strong and handsome boys and a precious, beautiful girl. We named them Eddard, Brandon and Asha.

Ned looked just like me, but Brandon and Asha were as angelic as their mother, my wife. You were Lilia Greyjoy, Lady of the Iron Islands, and they were the very proof of our love – Ned Greyjoy, Bran Greyjoy and Asha Greyjoy.

Everything was so perfect that when I woke up I knew that having you by my side would make me the happiest man alive. So I confess hereby my wish to make you my wife and make you my Lady, promising to cherish you and care for you, but most importantly, to love you for the rest of my days.

So, I ask you now if that would make you as happy as it would make me and if I could call you 'My love', just as I have a million times before.

Your foolish kraken,

Theon Greyjoy"

A tear streamed down her face as she pressed the letter to her lips and against her chest. She had dreamt about that years ago, perhaps not so boldly, for what could a maiden girl imagine anyway? But she had dreamt about waking up by his side and carrying his children, she had dreamt that her father would give her hand in marriage to Theon and that he would be a loving, caring, tender husband.

"Lilia..." she heard a voice call her and cleaned her tears as she heard Princess Myrcella's voice inside her chambers. "I apologize, I should have knocked. Were you crying?"

"Of course not, Princess" Lilia denied straight away, making Myrcella move closer to her.

"Is it news about my brother? Has he hurt you again?" the Stark girl did not realize that the young Princess knew so much about what had happened back in King's Landing, so she decided to ignore it and say nothing about the matter since it upset her greatly. "I know what he has done to you and I am very sorry"

"It was nothing," Lilia said as she tried to force a smile. Myrcella looked at her with a sweet, warm smile as if she could read her. "It is just a stupid letter"

"Well, if it were stupid as you say, then you would not be crying" the little girl pointed out. She was very smart, far smarter than Lilia had ever thought the Princess to be. "Yet, here you were. It must be very sad to leave you like this. You are always so strong and you never flinch, I wish I could be like that"

The girl's words shocked the Northern girl. She was not strong and she would often cry. She would spend her days or her nights, depending on where she was and what she was doing, crying for the Gods to hear. She was not what everybody saw or what they think they saw. Nevertheless, Lilia said nothing regards the image Myrcella had painted in her head.

"It is not sad at all. As a matter of fact, it is quite the opposite" Lilia said as she thought about the words she had just read. "It just reminds me of something that shall never happen though I wish it did. I wish it so very badly, always have and always will. But I do not get to choose and..."

"It is a love letter, is it not?" Myrcella asked boldly with a tender smile. "From that boy at Winterfell who spent his time with your brother, I bet. Your father's ward"

"It does not matter anymore. I shall never see the person who wrote me this again and these are just words that will never be anything at all... so there is no motive to cry over it"

"If you say so... I shall give you privacy" Myrcella left the room and Lilia bit her lip as she reminded the moments she had lived with Theon.

"Why are you so unfair to me? Why can't you allow me to be happy, uh?!" Lilia screamed at the Gods as she crashed down on her bed crying over what her life could have been but would never come to be.

But what made her the most upset about everything was that with a few words she had forgotten the whole sequence she had told herself she would follow and she hated herself for being so weak. However, she allowed herself not to be strong in order to rise stronger and forget about her past once and for all.