Chapter Twenty-One

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We sit on the roof, eating pudding, while the walker that Carl trapped in the room earlier, tries to reach us. We sit in silence, just eating. It's been a long time since I've enjoyed anything nice, and I hate that it has to come at such a time like this. "I'm scared." I say, breaking the silence. "I'm not scared of the walkers or the people or even dying. I'm just scared in general." He puts his arms around me.

"We don't get to be afraid." Carl says. "I'm not gonna be afraid to say it anymore so... I love you," he whispers. He kisses the top of my head. "I know we said it back at the prison... before... y'know," he says, choking back tears. "It was a spur of the moment thing but I really did mean it."

"I did too. I love you Carl." I say, planting a kiss on his lips. We finish the pudding and he helps me down from the roof. I have to admit that I do find it a little funny watching him walking about with one shoe. "Let's go to another house and see if we can find you another pair of shoes," I say giggling. Then this dark voice, the Governor's voice, comes into my head. "Your sister is dead." he says, "and you're here. Giggling away. What's the matter with you."

"It's your fault she's dead," I tell the voice. "and you're dead. Go away!"

The voice deeply disturbs me. I never spoke a word to Philip Blake and yet here he was in my head. And I knew that he was dead. Michonne killed him, but he still tortured me, even though he probably didn't even know that I existed. I'm glad he's dead. And I hope he burns in hell. My little sister is gone because of him and I would kill him a hundred times over.

When we enter a house, we are met with hollow silence. The house is like an empty shell. No photos on the walls, and no noise. Anywhere. We clear downstairs and check upstairs. It's clear too. We check every closet, and Carl eventually finds a pair of suitable boots. They're two sizes too big but they'll do.

We check for anything else, and we find three jackets, four tins of baked beans, a book of matches and some extra trousers. It's getting colder so we need all the clothes we can get, so we decide to take all the extra shirts as well. By the time we leave the house, it's colder, so we rush to get back to the house. The cool air makes the walkers more alert so we try and keep quiet. They naturally, in every possible sense of the word, are getting hungrier so the last thing we want to do is attract them.

We get back to the house just as the sun sets. There is a lone walker outside the door, and I stab it before we climb to the roof. The window that we left open is closed now so we walk to another and my mum is sitting crying. We knock lightly but she is still startled. She automatically grabbed her knife but when she saw it was us, she opened it up, wiping the tears from her face. I hug her and she asks me to leave. "I want to be alone," she says. "Please." I leave her a book. Stephen King's Salem's Lot. Her favourite.

When we get downstairs, we unload everything and sit down. We eat a can of cold beans each, then we fall asleep.

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