Perspective

Chapter Forty Two.

"I'm the newest member of The Broken Hearts Club
We hate every little thing about the people that we love
We're the let-down, we're the lied-to, where the lost go when it finds you
Where the lonely make the lonely feel less lonely, and we're dying to
Invite you to stay, and take away the pain
'Cause misery loves company, so hey, what do you say?"

***

I didn't think I'd find myself on top of a building without the urge to throw myself off it, but here I am. 

The past hour has been nice, more than nice actually.

Harry and I have been sitting with our legs dangling over the edge of the building, with our arms perched on the middle bar on the railing, just talking nonsense really.

Sometimes you need that though, a bit of nonsense to make sense of the chaos that moves too fast to understand sometimes.

It's so nice to not have to force conversation, to have it flow so naturally. To feel like I don't have to filter it.

It's comforting, and quells that deep ache that loneliness echoes around your body.

I'm always so focused on avoiding connections with people, or just failing miserable at them that when they actually do happen; it's like slipping on fresh socks out of the dryer for the first time.

Comfort. Something I usually refuse at all costs but crave like the blood in my veins; I was just never taught how to accept it. I don't even think I fully understand what it truly is.

It's like a foreign language I don't quite understand, I just know it sounds beautiful and when I hear it, I wish I understood what it was saying.

I don't mind it from him though. It feels nice. His company is comforting, at least what I know comfort to be. Maybe this is a new kind.

"Do you think, if you jumped from this roof - it'd feel like falling or flying?" I ask, keeping up with our theme of asking random useless questions that we've been going back and forth with for the past half hour.

I stare at my feet swinging back and forth, looking down at the alleyway behind the building; pondering the question over in my head that I often wonder too much about.

I glance over to Harry when he doesn't answer straight away and he's watching me with a look I can't read.

"Unless you were a bird or could fly, it would just feel like falling. Because you'd know you were going to hit the ground" he decides to answer, staring at me like he's somewhat bothered that I asked him that.

I look back down at the ground, and shrug my shoulders, "I think if you didn't care about hitting the ground it could feel like flying for a few seconds."

I feel Harry shift closer, closing the small gap that was between us and his voice sounds on edge, "... I'm not sure I like this conversation when you're sitting on the edge of a building."

I feel my stomach drop at the concern in his voice and curse myself in my head over the fact that i forget most people don't day dream about a long walk off a short plank.

"Don't worry, I wasn't going to jump" I say, looking to him as my lips crack into a smile, "I was just asking in case I pushed you."

My attempt to lighten the mood seems to work, as Harry's mouth lifts at the corner before he tries to force a mock offended expression with his jaw dropped.

"Way to break my heart, I thought you were enjoying spending time with me."

I nudge his shoulder with mine, glancing at him before looking down to my lap, "I am - just keep in mind I've got options if you piss me off."