Road to Jannah

Chapter One • Home

They say fear is for the brave, for cowards never stare it in the eye. So am I fearless to be fearful? Does it take courage to learn how to cry?

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~ A H M A D ~

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I sensed how she had suddenely stiffened. No ruffling sound was coming from her clothing nor even the slightest movements of her hands or feet for what I guess must be two minutes.

"Farida?" I tried to break the silence, turning my ear towards her. "You even there?"

"Yeah" I heard her answer almost breathlessly. "I'm sorry, I just didn't know what to say."

"Why? About what?"

"About this." She stopped and must've gestured to the box I hope was still in her hand before she remembered that I don't get gestures or body language in general anymore. "I mean this ring, I don't know if I can accept it, it's just that I-"

"You what? You're going to say you can't, right? But well I can't either, I can't accept it back. I'm a guy and plus I'm blind now so I have no idea what to do with it if you don't accept it." After two months, I was finally able to mention my situation with humour.

It was this new ability to pick up even the slightest of sounds that allowed me to hear her sigh softly, and she must've lowered her head to her knees cause she suddenly sounded louder.

"Thank you Ahmad. But..." she didn't complete that before I felt the box on my lap. "...here."

The creak from her chair and the light footsteps that followed that got quiter weren't the only things that alerted me that she had left. The empty space of air surrounding me as well as the blank space I felt in my heart did too.

I got to my feet and followed in her steps, but I was too late to realise where she was going since the sound of her steps had faded. I stood alone in the hallway, contemplating whether to call for her or just wait it out till she was back. I sighed and decided on the latter and sauntered back to my room.

I opened up my MacBook and plugged in my earphones. After almost two hours of pointless practicing with my new accessibility software and a failed attempt to navigate my own way into iTunes, I shut down the laptop and decided I had given Farida enough time.

I felt for my phone that I was sure was kept near the computer and when I found it, ordered the app to "Call Bae."

It started dialing but she didn't pick up so I called a second time and just as I was about to lose hope, she picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hello Far, please don't tell me you left?"

"No I'm still here actually, just downstairs with your mom. You need anything?" Farida answered wearily and I could only imagine her discomfort as mama stared at her with that optimistic look that told her she was the only hope to save her suicidal son.

Yes my mom was as melodramatic as a mother can get after her twenty five year old son tried to kill himself only a month after the tragic accident that made him blind. And that hysteria made her conclude that fixing things with Farida was the only way to stop me from repeating that "mistake" or something like that.

By the ring she had bought and asked me to give to Farida, I had figured that mama wasn't only expecting a reconciliation between me and Farida. She was expecting wedding bells to ring and babies to cry exactly nine months later and hopefully, that'd be enough to bring salvation to my poor soul.