Road to Jannah

Chapter Eleven • Untouchable

In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream, it's like a million little stars spelling out your name. You gotta c'mon, say that we'll be together, c'mon, little taste of heaven.

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~ A H M A D ~

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Yesterday, I had shown her enough sissiness, I had let go of too much of my macho and I couldn't let today be a repeat of that. She had actually seen me cry, she had seen me blasting myself and ranting like a moody teenager, but not today, today it was time to be a man.

And so eventhough my heart was beating at a hundred miles per hour, I think I carried myself pretty well up to this point. This point being me knelt on one knee and facing her, waiting for her to answer the question that had kept me up all night and made me restless.

I remember when I was in this exact same position roughly three weeks ago. I remember when I had proposed to Farida, how that act was purely a result of confusion and helplessness all at once but now, when it was her, it was totally different. Though that feeling of helplessness remains, the confusion was gone for I know in the depths of my heart that this was the woman I want to spend every second of my life with.

And just like I have discovered that she is named Jannah, I know that my life will be no less of a heaven when I have her with me. What she makes me feel is beyond what words can explain, beyond even what my heart can contain and I fear that if her answer isn't in my favor, the abyss I will fall into this time was one I can never be saved from.

I curse my luck when yet again, the one thing that stood between me and her answer was the sound of the door opening. The steps that hurried towards Jannah carried with them an air of tragedy and a news that made her run out the door and leave me on my knees.

I became worried and followed behind them, though the sound of their fast steps quickly faded and left me to navigate my own way to the cafeteria. There was no chance of getting lost this time since it was only straight ahead and all I had to do was follow the walls.

I search for my usual spot with Roland and in doing so, I pass the voices of Mrs Akinotola and her two kids and though I had felt tempted to ask her what was happening, I didn't because I knew she would incredibly dramatise everything. Shakira and even Abdul Ganiyy were unreliable too. The girl would follow her mother's suit and though the boy wouldn't exaggerate anything, he would take hours before he formed coherent sentences and I had no time to tolerate his stammerings.

I continued walking and when I reached the table I was sure was the seventh on the left row, I don't find Roland on it but I hear the sound of voices on a table close by and though I know she made me feel uncomfortable, I have now no choice but to go over where that Fatima Ibrahim sat chatting away with Grace.

"Hey Blindy, hey Grace." I greeted the both of them, calling one by the nick name I had come up for her to make her name more tolerable.

"Ahmad, that you?" came Blindy's voice.

It might be harsh but ever since the first day of these classes, that was the name I called Fatima Ibrahim. It was the only other name I could come up with and judging by how she's never sounded like she minds when I call her that, she actually sounds glad, it seems she really likes the name tooa and what better nick to give a blind person than Blindy? So instead of judging me, you really should just give me a pat on the back.

"Yeah Blindy, what's going on? Is Maryam alright?" I ask forgetting that she and Grace were also the same as me in the not being able to actually see thing.