Road to Jannah

Bonus Chapter • Everglow

Like brother's in blood or sisters who ride, yeah we swore on that night, we'd be friends 'til we die. But with the changing of winds and the way waters flow, life is short as the falling of snow, and now I'm gonna miss you I know.

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~ M A R Y A M ~

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No matter how many times I tried not to, I have always wondered what it will feel like to be dying, not to be dead but to be dying. I have always known that this day will come sooner for me than most people. And now, that I am facing it, its quite different from what I have imagined it to be like.

I feel at peace, a serenity spread all around me, I feel contented, I'm not exactly happy, but I am content. I feel numb like I am void of emotions, like all my senses have been dulled, yet this is the most extreme experience possible, all my emotions are heightened and all my senses feel like they have been amplified a thousand times over. I feel exhilarated like I'm watching my entire life fast forward before me yet I feel completely light, like a feather floating on a cloud as I watch my whole life in slow motion.

I cannot see the people around me but I know that Mommy is holding my hand and I know Daddy is also beside me, looking down at me and mirroring that same sadness in Mommy'e eyes. It was only now that the doctors have told them, I have heard them telling my parents that same line I've heard on TV many times before.

"We have done the best we can... but she can't make it any longer... she's soon going to pass... spend these last few moments with her."

It was only now that these so called experts had figured that out when I had known since I lost myself to the convulsions on the balcony, since I felt myself lying on the hospital bed.

I can hear Maimuna's voice somewhere in the background and also Lukman's giggles. They must've distracted him with the TV but whatever it is, he is the only sensible one amongst them, he is the only one who understands that this isn't the time to cry, but to laugh since it's going to be the last time I hear and see them.

The rest of my three siblings are in boarding school and I feel saddened that they weren't here, that I couldn't see them and hear them for one last time too. But the absence I regret most is Jannah's. I had been elated when I heard Yasin enter again and even managed to open my eyes just to see him.

I wished that since this was the last time I was setting my gaze on him, what I would see was that same brilliant smile of his that made me forget about all my fears and soothed all my pain but instead, what my eyes saw was a ghost of the Yasin I know. His expression was grave, his face was tear stained and his eyes were red and rimmed with moisture.

Though it now felt like ages ago, Yasin looked nothing like the man that had been smiling and laughing along side me just hours ago as we gazed up at the moon, little did we know that was the last moment we had together. That moment was perfect, he looked as handsome as ever in his cream kaftan and white-grey checkered hula, his smile was as enchanting as ever when he flashed it towards me and maybe it was in that whole distraction that I didn't tell him what I wanted to say earlier. I just let us enjoy the moment in silence and peace only for a fit to overpower me and destroy the moment.

My lids become too heavy and I can't keep them open for longer. I let them close to the sight of Yasin falling to his knees and covering his face with his hands.

When the darkness meets me, I hear his cries piercing through it, something I've never thought I would have to hear in my life. He was the pillar that has given me strength through out everything so how could he just crumble right in front of me?