Married to my Best Friend

Bloody sitcoms!!

I am pretty irritated today. First, my assistant almost spilt coffee on my suit this morning, then about half an hour after lunch, when I'd gone to Dylan's cabin to get a file, I had caught him having sex on his desk, my file lying carelessly on the floor. 

Now that is something that pissed me off greatly. You see, when you find out that a guy who looks like an ugly fifty seven year old uncle or something - like Dylan in the accounts - gets laid quite frequently, you can't help feeling sad for yourself - a twenty two year old, handsome man (oh come on! I am very good looking) who has never gone past receiving a few blowjobs from drunk girls at the club. I mean, I own a damn company and bloody Dylan works for me, yet he gets laid more often than me. It's disheartening. Women nowadays have serious choice issues.  

So, after barking a few threats at Dylan about firing him, I had gone back to my cabin with my file, thinking about my devastated sex life. I mean, my friends don't really know that I haven't made my way into someone's panties yet, but that doesn't solve the actual problem. I do pretend to be super cool and all, but actually I've saved the sex for someone special, you know?   Yeah, yeah, I know you think I'm cheesy AF, you judgmental prat, but I think it's a good thing. It makes me a little jealous of Dylan but I guess I can handle that. Not like I haven't met nice girls, it's just that I want to find the perfect one, someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. The ones that I've met haven't  interested me in that way. 

Back to why I'm pretty irritated today. I was at Belle's  aunt's place; turns out her aunt's  found another new boyfriend. The woman's a bloody harlot. Belle desperately begged  me to get the adoption to work as quickly as possible so that she could stop seeing her aunt's ugly mug. Why the fuck do these people believe that I'm not well settled? I mean, not capable of raising a child alone? My lawyer said that if Belle had no relatives to take care of her, maybe we could work everything out, but she has that pathetic excuse of an aunt. 

I really have considered killing her once or twice. (I'm kidding)

 Belle's father was a very trusted employee in my father's company. I've learnt all the work from him. Belle and I have always been close; I love her like I would love my little sister if I had one. A year back Mr. and Mrs. Connors had passed away in a car accident. I still remember Belle's helpless expression as she'd cried. It had broken my heart. It was actually she who had asked me if an adoption was possible. I had thought it was a brilliant idea, I still think it's a wonderful idea. So... I've been trying to do that ever since. I have, however, not been successful, not at all. 

Now, whenever I'm pretty irritated, I go to one place, Charlie's place. So here I am, standing in front of Charlie's door, waiting for him to open it, while tapping my foot impatiently on the floor. The door opens after a beat and Charlie motions me to come in. I follow him inside and flop down on the sofa in front of the television that was playing one of the sitcoms that Charlie  cannot stop watching. 

"So, on a scale of one to ten, how knackered are you?" Charlie asks fishing into the fridge. "Twenty." I reply with a huff. "Bottle then!" he says, bringing out a bottle of beer from the fridge and handing it over to me. I smile at him as he sits down beside me. "Soo... you caught Dylan once again?" he asks casually raising his eyebrows. I snicker and nod, "This is the third time I've caught him, I think.". 

"And...?" he prompts. So I start my  rant about Belle, her gross aunt, my assistant spilling coffee, Dylan (once again), the bullshit adoption procedure and how much I want to die. Charlie just sighs. 

"What? Nothing to say?" I ask him incredulously. "What should I say?... Listen Eric, calm down, I'm sure we'll figure something out about Belle. You're taking too much stress nowadays... Okay. Listen, I really hope I could say that it's easy, but I can't, because it's not. So sit down and drink your beer for now. I'll chalk out a plan for killing the aunt, alright?" he says. I can't help the soft chuckle that escapes me. 

"Belle is so sad... I just want to"- that is when the scene on the TV catches my attention -"why is Ashton Kutcher getting married to Jon Cryer?" I ask, raising my eyebrows. "It's pretty much like your situation, isn't it? Ashton wants to adopt a baby, so he has decided to get married to Jon. Walden and Alan! It's two and a half men!" Charlie says trying to remind me, maybe I've seen this episode with him before. "Right." I say, still trying to figure out when I  had watched this.  Charlie rolls his eyes at me and then bursts out laughing when Walden kisses Alan awkwardly. 

That's when it hits me. Bloody sitcoms are not useless after all. I really don't know why I didn't get this idea before. Buzzing with the sudden positivity, I snatch the remote out of Charlie's hand and turn the TV off. 

"What happened?" Charlie asks, giving me the 'are - you - crazy' look. "Charlie, that's what I need, a fake marriage! That solves all issues!" I say jumping to lift my legs onto the sofa. "Yeah? And who's gonna be your fake wife? The wind?" he asks looking at me like I'm the dumbest person alive. I deflate a bit before getting pumped up again at another brilliant idea. God! I'm on fire today! 

"I know a way Charlie! We should get married!" I say standing up and gesturing my hand between the two of us. "WHAT?! Eric you're crazy!" Charlie says, his expression, one of utter disbelief.

"No! Seriously, this is great, we should definitely do this." I say, absolutely delighted with myself. "No. We should not." Charlie says firmly. "Please, please, please, Charlie, please!" I beg following him when he goes into the kitchen to do - well, I don't know what. He doesn't reply. I continue chanting 'please, please' and when he doesn't reply still, I put up Belle as bait. 

"Do you know what Belle said today? She said that she is practicing calling me dad. I have to bring her home Charlie, she needs me. You're my best friend. We can pretend, it's a year at most. Please, this is the only way to get this to work. For Belle, Charlie...For me?" I  plead.

 Charlie looks at me with a blank face. He gets that face whenever he thinks of something very deeply. Then he turns around and groans, rubbing his face with his hands. Then he turns and looks at me once again. I immediately give him the puppy dog eyes, it always works on him, just like it did this time. 

Charlie sighs and says, "Fine! What's the plan?"

A/N:  So here's the first chapter.  Please let me know if you like it and please do not forget to vote.