Confident

Disarm You With A Smile

Song: Disarm by Smashing Pumpkins

September 25, 1993

Richie is often home alone. Eddie realized this over a week ago. It broke him. He's always tried to keep him company, even before knowing. It's not like he has many friends either. Eddie doesn't want him to feel lonely.

So that's why he creeps down Richie's hall to surprise him. He hopes he doesn't catch him in an act, but he assumes this won't be the case. Eddie comes closer and closer to the boy's room. Soon enough he hears a bit of guitar. He wonders if the boy is playing something on the radio. However these thoughts are swept away when he opens the door to see Richie sitting on his bed, playing delicately on his guitar.

Eddie watches in amazement. He didn't know Richie could play. Now he waits by the doorway, listening intensely. He's surprised Rich hasn't seen him, but he's glad for that. If Richie saw him he'd never be able to appreciate this moment. Perhaps this is what keeps Richie going. Music.

"Disarm you with a smile
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn." 

Eddie is surprised at the boy before him. He's in a trance, completely wrapped in the performance. He almost sheds a tear, but Richie stops so suddenly.

"Eddie?" Richie is obviously shocked and a bit embarrassed.

Eddie doesn't understand why this is. Richie is fantastic. "Why'd you stop?"

"Because I'm shit and it's embarrassing."

Eddie steps closer now. He reaches a hand towards the other. They sit like that for awhile. It's silent, but they don't mind. "Can you sing it again? I want to hear you, Chee."

Richie scrambles. He moves his hands awkwardly. The boy is completely flustered. But he catches the way Eddie stares at him and for some reason that gives him the courage to start again. Eddie always gives him confidence.

"Disarm you with a smile
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn."

Richie looks cautiously up to Eddie only to see him smile. This gives him the strength to continue and grow with it.

"I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my choice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you"

Eddie watches his confidence grow over time and wonders why he's never heard him before. He can't get over how beautiful Richie is. Especially when he's so vulnerable and open. Everyday he's growing and everyday Eddie falls even more in love. Everything about the boy makes him nervous. The curls that bounce at every tiny movement. The sharpness of his cheekbones that continue to grow larger when he smiles. The chocolate eyes that stand out even more through the thick glass lenses. His stupid smile and his stupid jokes and his stupid Hawaiian shirts.

This dramatic character is so special in Eddie's eyes. He's constantly drawing him in and he's not sure why. Why him? Why a straight boy? But he can't help himself. Every time those eyes look his way he melts to putty. Eddie sees the way Richie treats everyone else. But he's different with him. He's softer with him. But Eddie is softer with him too. He cares deeply for the boy. He has since he first helped clean his wounds at the park.

But now it's different. Watching him play so passionately lights something up. It awakens something deep within him. And it scares Eddie.

Eddie is so deeply in love with Richie Tozier.

"I send this smile over to you." These words stand out. Especially when Richie looks up sheepishly each time, an obvious smile playing at his lips.

He really loves him.

Eddie thinks he's always known it. It's hard to ignore his heart when it beats so rapidly. His heart only does that for Richie. He's not dumb, he knows what that means.

It's not just this moment that makes him love Richie, either. It's everything about the tall, lanky boy. He admires his crude sense of humor and his horrid accents. Eddie loves when Richie acts and talks about acting. The boy is so full of life. So full of love.

The way his confidence has grown since meeting makes Eddie feel hopeful. Richie has shared so much with him, he wonders if anyone else will get to see that side. He hopes so. Everyone deserves to see him like this. So unique and wonderful and beautiful.

Eddie's always had stupid crushes. Crushes on straight boys on the football team. Crushes on celebrities like Patrick Swayze. This, however, is completely different. This boy is no football player or dancing god. He's Richie Tozier. He's all curls and smiles. He's tall and funny. He acts and skates. He plays guitar and has the most heavenly voice. His smile is large, heart larger. He's silly and kind and brave.

This boy makes him feel special. Richie takes care of him. He tries new things for him. He gives him stupid nicknames and picks him up for school. Rich buys him milkshakes and listens to his opinions. No one has ever done that for him. Of course he has Beverly, but this is different. Richie doesn't have to be there for him. But he is. He's always asking about his day. He's constantly checking up on him. Richie calls him every single night, wondering what's on Eddie's mind. Eddie's in love. He's in love with a total nerd.

A beautiful, lovely, amazing nerd.

"Send this smile over to you."  Richie finishes, strumming the last chord. He tilts his head to the side to get a better look at Eddie.

Eddie in his pale yellow shorts, which show off his warm, toned legs. Eddie with his curly hair and freckles. Eddie with his dimples and smiles and wide eyes. Richie's always loved him. Learning more about him is only a plus. Even if the two had never met, Richie would still be pining over him.

Learning about what he likes and what he thinks has definitely been amazing, though. Richie would be lying if he said he hadn't fallen more in love. He'd do anything for the boy. Anything, everything, and more.