Confident

Court

Song: Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden

March 28, 1994

There's a sort of thump beating inside Eddie's toes. Not just his toes, but the tips of his fingers as well. In fact the feeling grows and swells and consumes him entirely. It's all he feels and it's all he's focused on. Maybe that's for the best. He's thankful for the drumbeat from within that keeps his mind off of things for a little while longer.

Eddie can't remember the last time his ADHD got this bad. It used to be much worse, but today it's taking over. It's as if young Eddie has returned to claim what is rightfully his. Little boy Eddie is ready to take back the thrown. And for today, Eddie thinks that might be okay. Just for today, though.

He really does feel like a child. And not just from his size, which definitely doesn't help as he walks along the middle isle, eyes all on him. Well, eyes all on him, Richie, and the entire group of workers that surround them.

For some reason, at least in Eddie's eyes, the people look a little more tall. Their stares burn a little bit deeper. His heart beats a little bit faster. And life seems a little more dizzy.

He's dizzy, that's for sure. Knees wobbling and eyes crossed. He can feel the acid in his stomach threatening to come up. Should he be so nervous?

He just wants this to be over with.

His sweaty hands fumble for the tie that seems to almost choke him. Is he breathing? He can't breathe. Quickly he wipes the sweat that pools above his brow. He then eyes his baby blue nails which are perfectly trimmed. They travel towards his mouth, but Richie slaps them away. This brings Eddie back to the reality of it all.

Richie gazes at the small boy with curious eyes. It's unlike Eddie to bite his nails. Especially when it's so unsanitary. This only makes him realize how nervous Eddie must be. And he understands. Of course he does.

Soon the men walk one by one down the isle, each accompanied by a police officer or two. They sit on the opposite side of them, which they're both grateful for. It allows them to feel a bit more safe.

Unfortunately Eddie makes direct eye contact with one. His breath seems to hitch immediately. It's like he can't look away. His eyes are completely transfixed upon the man, but his head is in a completely different place.

Suddenly he's no longer standing in the courtroom and instead surrounded by drunk men who touch and toss him around. Men who spit insults and leave scars.

Eddie scratches his skin. Richie watches the scene nervously. He eyes the skin that peels and bleeds. He takes ahold of the hand that hurts his love and squeezes it tight. Finally Eddie tears his gaze away and settles back on the hardwood floor. He's too afraid to look at anyone else. Especially Richie. Eddie fears that all he'll be able to see is his boyfriend held against his will, tossed on the ground, and beaten to a bloody pulp.

Little does Eddie know that Richie sees the same. He sees Eddie lying in the car, unbuckled, and unmoving. He sees the blank stare and pale lips.

He hurts too.

Neither boy really listens. Both are filled with far too much dread. Instead they follow their lawyer's steps and do as they're told. They stand when the rest do and sit when the rest do as well. They speak when spoken to and mostly just sit in a fearful silence.

But then it becomes Eddie's turn to speak, and he's not sure if he'll be able to. Still, he makes his way up and sits where he should. Then the questions roll in.

"It says here that on November fourth at around ten thirty pm you were physically assaulted along with your partner Richie Tozier, is that true?"

Everyone had already promised the whole and nothing but the truth yada yada business. Yet his voice still gives out. The stares are just too much. So he clears his throat and starts again. "Yes."

"By the men that stand before you? Steven Ripley, Shane Carter, Ryan Marsh, Mike Howard."

"Yes."

"Your mother, Sonia Kaspbrak, was the one to file a police report. Were you ever planning on doing so before?"

Eddie looks desperately for Richie's face. Their eyes lock instantly and he's immediately calmed down. "I'm not sure. I didn't really even have time to process or think about that kind of thing before my mom was driving me to the hospital for a checkup and then to the station. I think maybe."

The questions continue on like this. It's the same thing when Richie goes up. It becomes repetitive and obnoxious, but it's not like this is a fun situation for anyone.

Eddie still feels as if he's still back there. He tries his best to swallow it down and act as if everything is normal. But it's not normal.

Richie sets a hand on his knee, trying his best to help. Eddie only jumps. This really worries him. "You okay?" It's barely a whisper, but Eddie still hears.

"I just feel so small."

"You're back there, aren't you?"

Eddie stays quiet and Richie knows now. "I am too."

Their hands link and they remain quiet. One man walks up, Shane Carter. They both recognize him as the one who didn't do much. He held them against their will. He stood by and watched. He's no good man at all, but maybe he can be.

Luckily he's the only one let off with a warning and community service. Two are given two months and community service. Steven Ripley, the one who caused most damage on their skin and in their heads got sentenced three years. For it turns out that this is not his first offense at all.

Everyone cheers and celebrates. Richie and Eddie still remain the same. These men will take their punishments and go, but the trauma and paranoia will forever remain in the two boys lives. Maybe they should be glad, but they still feel empty.

Eddie and Richie just hope that this chapter has ended. They beg for life to carry on. The two want nothing more than to live a happy and peaceful life.

Perhaps this wasn't just about the punishments. Maybe it was burying the hatch. Maybe things will get better.

Maybe the world will get better.