Confident

Princess Tomato

March 7, 2011

"Once upon a time there lived a beautiful princess named Princess Tomato. She was the most red and plump frog lady in all the land and all of the men frogs wanted to court her. But Princess Tomato didn't love any of the men around and instead fell in love with a foreign jungle frog named Mayonnaise. Only there was one problem. Mayonnaise was a girl. They were lesbians. Well, King Tomato found out and was furious. He told his daughter absolutely not! There will be no homosexuals in here! So Princess Tomato cut it off and stopped seeing her lover. Then one day they held a royal frog ball and all the frog men around came to be her suitor. There she met a new frog named Mayo. King Tomato absolutely adored Mayo and gave permission for the two to wed. Later down the line, when the two were right about to say I do, Mayo took of his top hat, revealing the one and only Mayonnaise. The lesbian girl jungle frog. Everyone was in complete shock! King Tomato stood from his seat and began waving his arms and yelling. He said to stop this disgusting homo mess! And then down from the ceiling fell homophobic spies. Only that's not all. Then Queen Tomato made her grand entrance. She yelled for them to stop while she ripped off her purple dress, revealing a white wedding gown. Then, from random holes that were for some reason placed all around the venue, came homosexual ninjas! So the homosexual ninjas and homophobic spies had an epic duel. Eventually Queen Tomato made her way down the isle. She then proceeded to grab her daughter, Princess Tomato, and throw her across the room. She then traded vows and kissed her bride, Mayonnaise, and left her husband, King Tomato. And that is the story of how we fixed homophobia. Unfortunately it is not the story of how we fixed pedophilia."

Richie smiles down at the children who are sat around him in a circle. He then looks away from the crowd of six and up to five adults. They all stare in confusion at the mess that is Richie Tozier. Ben simply shakes his head, while Beverly watches with her mouth agape. Stanley rubs his head, but his husband Bill can't help but laugh a bit. Eddie only crosses his arms with a stern expression, though even he can't help when his smile makes a surprise visit.

"I can't believe even after all these years he's still telling that stupid story." Beverly leans down to pick up her youngest son, Lincoln.

A little girl with olive skin and dark black curls makes her way towards Bill and Stan. She reaches her arms up and of course the two take her. "I'm not shocked. As soon as Richie invited us, I knew something would go wrong." Stanley kisses his daughter's cheek.

"I just hope Greta and Mike arrive soon. Greta's bringing her new girlfriend, right?" Ben is currently doing a handshake with his eldest son, Reagan.

Richie is walking over with him and Eddie's daughter, Lyla, on his right hip. She was named after her aunt, who had passed away not long after the two had married. Their son, Trey, is holding onto Richie's left hand. All have bright smiles on their faces. Especially Richie, who wears his normal shit eating grin.

He looks around to all of the kids once more. "Any questions?"

Ben and Beverly's middle child speaks up with a confused expression. "What's pedophilia?"