13 Reasons Why// Winterwatcher (Discontinued)

{12} Storms

I know. You know.

We knew.

After all...

...there is only one girl...

"Welcome to your tape, Qibli Sand"

~

"Moon, will you accept me as who I am? Am I not enough you?"

His voice was full of pain. She had heard this before, in Winter's. This voice, full of despair. This set of broken eyes that never got to see hope.

I do accept you, but not in that way...

"Please...I-I love you, Moon."

You're only a friend to me...but...

I must protect you...

"Please reply," he whispered.

But I can't. If I tell you the truth, I will break you. I will break you like I broke Winter.

But if I lie...

What if I hurt you more?

He let go of her hand. "It's okay. Forget it. It's not a big deal."

I...I want to protect you, Qibli.

"Q-Qibli," she said. Her voice was barely a whisper. Fists clenched, she reminded herself that it was wrong to lie to someone's feelings. It was her job to tell him the truth.

Perhaps it would hurt him. Perhaps tonight, he would sleep, and never wake up. And perhaps she will never be able to live it down. She will regret it forever. Qibli was her friend. She needed to protect him.

Even if it was wrong to lie.

Someone's life was more important than some small lies, right?

Which was exactly why she was going to tell a small lie tonight. Just to settle down his feelings. To protect him from the pain. Even for a little while. Maybe until he got a little better.

Tell him I have always felt the same way. Tell him I just didn't want to be a disgrace to Winter. Tell him I have always loved him. That I was lying to him, to myself.

But all she could choke out was:

"I...I love you too."

Because...it wasn't true. She has never loved him. She already was a disgrace to Winter. She had killed him, didn't she? She was telling the truth to him. Why couldn't he see that?

But did her feelings ever matter? It never did anything to help anyone. She just hurt people with her feelings.

So it was time to lie and save Qibli's life.

~

I'm sorry to say I was blind.

However much I loved a girl, I should have brought your feelings into consideration. How much you must love her, too. Maybe stand out so you can have her.

But love makes people blind, doesn't it?

Such a terrible thing, love. It's beautiful, yet it gives terror to its enemies.

You were one of my greatest friends. Yet...we turned into enemies.

For what, though? For a girl's attention?

Not exactly. All the times I thought about this, it struck me that it wasn't just fight for a girl's love. It was more like...who won her.

You and I, we were competitive. Two top students in our grade. We fought for the crown. We fought to be the favorite. To be the best.

So when we eyed the same girl, we started to be more competitive than ever.

Who would win?

Jokingly, mockingly, we started. We tried everything to get her attention, which was harder than I thought.

You succeeded in being her friend, and I followed after.

But in the process, I fell in love with that girl. Funny, isn't it?

It was apparent you did too.

And that, Qibli Sand, was the beginning of our fight. And I'm sad to say...it never mended between us.

~

"YouandQibliareDATING?" Kinkajou asked her briskly on the phone. "I can't believe it! You finally accepted his feelings! You go, girl!"

Moon forced a weak laugh. "Huh? Yeah..."

"Are you feeling shaken up? Like...nervous? Do you want me to come over? I've always wanted to do this!"

She didn't reply. Should I tell Kinkajou that there is nothing between us? The lies? That all of this...is fake?

"No, I'm fine." Moon gripped the phone tighter. "My mom's home... See you tomorrow, Kink!"

She could almost see Kinkajou's worried expression over the phone. "Yeah, sure. Byyyyye, Moon!"

Click.

She stared at the cassette player beside her.

Qibli.

She closed her eyes. When was the last time she slept? Ate properly? Her legs felt so...weak.

Winter.

Da-thump.Da-thump. Da-thump.

She breathed heavily, falling down to the ground. Winter. Winter. Winter.

She tried to get up, but she felt too weak. Her vision was...so confusing...

...Dizziness...

Winter.

Da-thump. Da-thump. Da-thump.

No, you stupid heart, Moon thought. He's dead. You don't have feeling a for him anymore! You love Qibli now.

It kept going anyway.

Winter.

Da-thump. Da-thump. Da-thump.

Winter...

Tears swelled in her eyes.

I...I love you too....

~

Perhaps I knew you would win her heart.

I just went for it anyway, cause, well, I thought I had nothing to lose.

But yet, the pain struck again.

When I saw her with you. In the rain.

Your hands on her waist, pulling her closer...

That moment, it broke me.

But I know better now.

I just wanted to tell you, Qibli...You can have her now. I won't interfere. Because you're the right person for her.

Qibli. I wish I didn't fight you. For what? Something I never had, would have never succeed to have?

You can have her, Qibli.

But...

Can you forgive me?

~