13 Reasons Why// Winterwatcher (Discontinued)

{13} The Moon

Two months later

It became a little less forced. More natural.

Kisses under the trees, his hands gripping hers tight, his eyes staring into hers.

Pools of friendship growing into...

Love.

Was this love?

~

In my dreams, I see you. In my heart, I feel you. In my thoughts, I love you.

In reality, things are different.

Someone once said, "The sun loved the moon so much that he died every night to let her breathe."

And that's what I'm going to do. I'll let you breathe. Except...I'm not coming back.

"Welcome to your tape, Moonwatcher Everfrost"

~

"What is wrong with you these days? Thank goodness Kinkajou came over when she did, you fainted!"

Moon sighed. How am I going to get out of this? She put the book she was reading down beside her.

"The doctor said I just needed sleep, remember?" Moon replied.

Secretkeeper crossed her arms. "Well, what's that about, that's my question! You always go to sleep at ten o'clock. What made you so tired, it made you faint?"

Moon thought of excuses. Pressure from tests? Boyfriend problems? Friend problems?

"I..." But she knew she couldn't lie to her mother. She must do it. Maybe not tell her the whole truth, but not a lie, either. She didn't deserve that.

"I'm just too pressured from everything, I can't sleep. And Winter...he..." She clenched her fists. "I miss him so much."

Instead of the "Oh okay honey, I'll leave you alone for a bit" speech or the pity she was expecting, Secretkeeper huffed.

"Moon, listen to me. He left you. You can live without him. Why do you live in the past? I did not teach you like this. Look at your friends. They've all moved on!" Secretkeeper narrowed her eyes. "Why are you so sad about him, anyway? We're you guys dating?"

Moon felt anger rising inside her. "What do you mean, Mom? He was my friend! I have every right to feel sorry about his death!"

"Why should you be sorry? That was his own problem. None of your business. You didn't kill him, did you?"

...Did I?

"Men that leave you are nothing but trash. If he really cared about you, he would have stayed, wouldn't he?"

Moon clenched her fists. "He had his own reasons!"

Secretkeeper eyed her down. "And now, look. He affected other people by killing himself. That's what's called selfish."

Moon couldn't take it anymore. She got out of her bed and stood up, face to face with her mother.

"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYTHING!" She screamed. "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF PERSON HE WAS!"

Secrerkeeper's eyes widened in surprise, then in anger. "AND YOU'RE NOTHING WITHOUT HIM? LIFE WON'T WAIT FOR YOU. YOU WANT TO FOLLOW HIM NOW, HUH?"

Moon felt tears sting her eyes. "GET OUT! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Secretkeeper walked out of the room, shutting the door with a loud thud, her lips a thin line with anger.

Great. I fought with my mom. Her tears finally came, dripping onto the floor. She startled trembling. Her shoulders shaking with sobs, she reached out blindly to her cassette player.

The only thing that could heal her was him. His voice. His reasons.

His tapes.

She pressed play.

~

You shone in my eyes the first time we met.

Dark black hair. Jade green eyes. Light melodic voice, beautiful in disguise.

The moment you said your name. Moonwatcher. I couldn't help myself, and I'm sorry I couldn't. I couldn't help but fall in love with you. You snuck by my walls, and I couldn't help wishing you were mine.

Sometimes, even broken pieces can be mended by putting it with different pieces of shards. Placed together with gold.

That was what I thought could be possible.

It wasn't.

Why are you on this tape?

You know why.

You have me hope, then shattered it altogether.

I want to know. Did you play with me? Wanted to break my heart, too? See if I would tag along like a dog, blinded by your fake beauty?

Kindness. Love. Courage.

Those were all fake. They always are.

You know what happened. In the rain. Under the umbrella.

Or do you? Did you forget? Was I just one of your countless victims?

Because I saw you with Qibli, too. Kissing him, in the rain.

You seemed to enjoy it. Hope you did. I really do.

Maybe I was meant to be broken. It was my fate.

I think you saw me. I wanted to ask you something important that day, so I was going to your house. That was when I saw you two together.

If you're listening, Moon, it doesn't matter anymore. It's not a sin to love someone else. I know that. Everyone knows that.

I just wish you told me, Moon. That night. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much of you did.

Maybe in that deep part of me, I did know. That you didn't love me. That such a perfect person couldn't love a monster like me. That I was never meant to be mended.

I used to die every night so you could breathe. Now, I can die off completely. And now, you can breathe forever.

Thank you, Moonwatcher, for the beautiful memories. For the short time when I thought you were mine. That I was yours.

It didn't turn out to be true.

But it was worth it.

Thank you, Moonwatcher Everfrost.

She pressed stop.

She couldn't take it anymore.