Herondale High

Chapter 44- Why Do Things Always Fall Apart?

A/N Hey guys. Sorry I haven't updated lately. I've been super busy with volleyball and Junior Year is kicking my butt. On the bright side, Volleyball is almost over and I only have an essay for English due and then I should be able to do more writing but no promises. Tell me what you guys think of this chapter and if there are any people you are hoping to see or even what you think might happen next. XOXO~Jess

Three weeks later. 

Clary's P.O.V.

By the angel, I can't remember the last time all of us hung out as a group. It feels like years even though I know it has only been like a month. The night after I gave my virginity to Jace, we both woke up to see that Magnus and Alec came to the party after all and it seemed that Magnus and Josie had made up but by New Year's they were at each other's throats again. I thought it was a temporary peace for Christmas but Jace knew otherwise.

According to Jace, Josette and Magnus had in fact made up until she let it spill to Alec that they used to be a couple which I didn't find all that surprising, what else could have brought them that close, but apparently to Alec it was VERY important. The day after it came out he confronted Magnus who tried to lie, BIG mistake! Alec saw right through it saying they needed a break because he can't be with someone he can't trust. Alec also stopped talking to Josie although no one knows why. Josie thinks she deserves it like she should have told him sooner or just not said anything at all and we can all tell it's killing her. Now that we are back in school she has taken to sitting at a table with Jake and Zach again. Magnus has decided he hates Josette and everything is her fault as if he didn't try to lie to Alec and as Izzy never fails to point out anytime they are around each other, conceal the truth and break her brother's heart.

Other than their little spat things have been good. Jace and I are closer than ever after we had sex but with all the drama we haven't really had time for a repeat. He's attempting to play damage control with Ale and Josie because he knows how much she cares about Alec but he can't even acknowledge her and Jace doesn't know why so I only see Jace in classes and at lunch. That's where we are now, at lunch. I'm staring at Jace who is staring at Alec and whispering things like, "Do you think he'll be okay?" and " Do you think he'll be able to forgive either of them?" Too soon, the bell rings and I feel my lunch trying to make it's way back up my throat. 

I make my way to the bathroom as fast yet subtly as I can but as soon as I'm in there I run to a stall and throw up all the contents of my stomach. As the toilet flushes, I hear the door open followed by a familiar voice saying, "Clary, are you in here?" Followed by, "God, why does it smell like vomit in here?" I leave the stall and see Izzy covering her nose with her hand.

"Probably because I just threw up my lunch," I answer as I make my way to the sink to wash my mouth out with water. Once I'm done, Izzy hand me a stick of gum asking if I'm okay. "Yeah my stomach's been weird all day I think it's because my period's late."

Izzy laughs. "Wow, late period and that's what, the second time you've upchucked today? If I didn't know you were a virgin I would think you're pregnant." I laugh with her until I feel my face fall as I realize I'm no longer a virgin. After a minute, Izzy notices I'm not laughing. "What?"

"Izzy if I tell you something you have to promise not to tell anyone."

"Okay, I promise."

"I had sex with Jace at Christmas. I didn't tell you because I wanted to keep that part of my personal life personal for awhile only now I'm throwing up and my periods late...."

"Holy shit you don't think you're pregnant do you?" I can feel myself pale and Izzy quickly recovers. "Look you're probably not. I mean how unfortunate would you have to be to get pregnant your first time. Just get through the rest of your classes and I'll get a pregnancy test and you'll take it our dorm so nobody will know ok." I nod and we walk out of the bathroom and head towards French. For the first time since we got back from break, I don't notice how broken Josette looks and no matter how hard he tries, I can't look Jace in the eye.

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After classes, true to her word, Izzy brings the pregnancy test into our dorm room and I take it to the bathroom and pee on it. It takes three minutes and Izzy and I wait as I feel the nerves eat away at me. I can barely look when the timer goes off but I'm glad I do because when I look down there is only one pink line and the box says that mean Not Pregnant. Izzy and I both laugh overjoyed I'm not going to be a teen mom and Izzy suggests I go on birth control for double the protection I decide she is right and make an appointment for Saturday at the closest Planned Parenthood before going to sleep. 

_____

I'm excited to see Jace the next day so I dress up in a pretty top and a floral patterned skirt to match it but when I get to math class everyone is looking at me. I hate when people are looking at you and you don't know why and it keeps happening until lunch when I finally get a reason. I'm sitting at the table talking with Jace when Anthony Rodriguez, who was released from juvie and allowed back into school with the promise of good behavior, says "Oh how cute are you guys picking out baby names?" Amanda, who was walking with him, laughs like it's the funniest thing in the world.

Confused Jace asks, "What are you talking about?"

Amanda looks overjoyed as she replies, "Oh hasn't your baby mama told you? I heard her talking to Isabelle Lightwood in the bathroom about how she's pregnant. It must really suck to be the last to know Jace." He looks at me and I shake my head no but I can tell he doesn't know who to believe and I feel my eyes start to water so I run out of the lunchroom before Amanda can see me shed a tear. As I'm leaving I hear Amanda say, "Must be the pregnancy hormones," followed by another female voice yelling words I can't decipher because of my sobs. 

After a while, I hear the cafeteria doors open. I hope it's Jace so I can tell him it's a lie but when I look up I see Josette. She must see the disappointment on my face because she says, "I told him it wasn't true. I bought the test because Izzy was worried her mom would find out. I guess that's the one good thing about being an orphan, no parents to worry you're pregnant. Anyway, she texted me with the news figured I could help break the new to Jace if it turned up positive."

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it." She turns to go but turns back saying, "Even if it had been positive you would've been a good mom. I know you're only 15 but you would've cared which is more than my parents ever did. And I know you would've kept it. You're the kind of person who wouldn't even think of an abortion because you would fall in love with the baby as soon as you knew it was real. That's just who you are. Some people aren't like that."

The way she says it makes her voice sound almost....regretful and before I know it I say, "You talk like you have personal experience."

I see her have a debate in her head before she answers, "When I was your age I found out I was pregnant. It was this guy, Theo's, and he didn't even live in Europe. When I told him he was furious, though it wasn't his but I got proof. My first thought was abortion, I would make a horrible mother and I'm sure anybody who knows me would agree." 

I don't but I don't say so instead I ask, "So you got an abortion?"

"Never got the chance. After the doctor's appointment where we found out it was his and that it was twins, we got into a car accident. He was driving and we were fighting about the babies. When I woke up the doctor said I wasn't pregnant and you would think I would be relieved but I wasn't. I was broken. I didn't tell Jake or Zach because I knew they would want me to keep it and after they were gone I couldn't tell them because I felt responsible. Maybe that's why I was so close to Magnus. He was the first person I told. The only person I told until you."

"I won't tell anyone."

She laughs. "I didn't think you would. Look I have to get to my locker before French and forget whatever Amanda says, I put her in her place and made sure everyone knows she's a desperate liar." 

It's my turn to laugh. "Thanks again, Josie."

"Don't mention it." She turns and heads towards the junior lockers and I can't help thinking of the look on her face when she talked about being pregnant. I always thought nothing could break her the way this fight with Alec has but seeing her talk about that I realize that she was already broken when I met her and I'm not sure anyone will ever be able to fix her broken heart.