Herondale High

Chapter 46- Does Hiding The Pain Help It Heal?

Josette's P.O.V.

I was leaving my room to meet Jake and see the new movie Joker when I ran into Jace outside my room. "Oh sorry, I didn't see you there," I laugh.

"No it was my fault," he says. I start to go around him when he grabs my hand. "I actually wanted to talk to you. It's kind of important."

I sigh. "Look, Jace, if this is about the whole Alec and Magnus situation I already feel bad enough and made an attempt to fix things but Magnus dug his own grave and now he has to lie in it. Meanwhile, I have to suffer from the consequences of his lies anyway."

"No, it's not about that. Look I heard what you said to Clary yesterday outside the cafeteria. I was trying to think of a way to broach the subject but I figured it was best to just rip the band-aid off." I give him a confused look hoping he'll drop the subject altogether but of course that would be too easy. "You know about the whole teenage pregnancy thing..."

"Oh for God's sake Jace you're thinking too much into this," I say in an exasperated tone. "I only told her that because she felt horrible for almost being a teen mom so I told her a story to make her feel better. Don't tell her I lied though because that isn't going to help and you know how much I hate lying, especially to my friends." 

He looks relieved as he says, "Don't worry I won't. I'm just glad that you didn't have to go through all that trauma. I'll see you later Jo-Jo."

"Yeah see you." If only he knew the truth...

_______

I finally make it to the entry hall only to run into someone else. "Sorry I wasn't looking where I was going." I look up to see Alec apologizing. 

"No, it's fine. Believe it or not, you're not the first person I've run into today. I guess I'm just a clutz."

He laughs. "Yeah, you do tend to not pay attention to the task at hand." I laugh before going around him. Before I get too far he stops me. "Josette wait up." I turn around and see him jogging up to me. "Look I wanted to say I'm sorry." He's about to continue but I cut him off.

"For what? You didn't do anything to me." He looks at me with a puzzled expression.

"I've been ignoring you for three weeks and acting like the fact that Magnus didn't tell me you guys were a couple was your fault."

I sigh already knowing what I'm about to say is going to sound bitchy but needing to get away from the past that's I can feel coming back because of what I told Clary. "Look, in Magnus's defense I didn't tell you either and he is a pretty private person not to mention you didn't want to come out in the first place. He was probably afraid you would get scared and leave him you know like you did. In other words, maybe you should cut him some slack and just get back with him it's obvious you two are miserable without each other so why stay apart? What are you so afraid of Alec?"

I thought this would make Alec angry but instead, he studies me for a couple of seconds before answering. "I would've forgiven him if he hadn't tried to lie to me. I know he lied because he thought it would save us but I can't be with someone I can't trust. However, clearly I'm a worse person than I thought because it's obvious that you are going through something right now hence the snapping and my guess is you won't tell anyone because you hate trusting people."

I study him for a moment. "Have I ever told you I genuinely hate you?" He laughs. "No I'm serious, I don't know why I was ever friends with you. How am I supposed to hide my feelings when you see them. Aren't you supposed to be a dumb jock? Jace didn't notice, be more like Jace."

He continues laughing while he says, "If I was more like Jace you wouldn't like me nearly as much. As for me being a dumb jock, aren't you supposed to be a ditzy cheerleader? I've never met a ditzy cheerleader that was as manipulating as you." I can't disagree so I start laughing too though I can tell he knew I was joking the whole time. After a few minutes, he asks where I'm going so I invite him along. As we walk to the theater he asks what upset me and I can't keep it in. I tell him everything, the whole truth that nobody but Magnus knew, including what I told Clary and Jace. "Wait, I get not wanting Jace to know but why lie if he already knew."

"You're joking, right? If Jace knew what really happened he would've wanted every single detail and when I didn't tell him he would've kept looking. Can you imagine that conversation? 'The reason that Theo thought the kid wasn't his was because I was screwing a crapload of guys while he was in America, where he was from, and the only reason I was with him was due to a bet I made with Jake. Oh yeah, and I started dating him when I was 13 and he was 18.' I'm sure that would've gone really well, Alec."

He laughs. "Okay, I get your point. I'm just worried you won't get better if you keep it a secret."

"Oh please Alec," I say as we walk into the theater. "I've been hiding this secret for two years, eventually it will go away. It's like science." He laughs and I laugh too yet I can't stop wondering if the pain ever will go away.