Why Me? (TodoBaku)

Chapter Four

Shoto's POV:

I'm really worried about Katsuki. He seems different. I don't know when it started, I just noticed small changes here and there, but I didn't know it was that bad. I have never been through a depression. Wait should I even assume he's depressed?

I don't know, but it seems like he is. I started looking after him after they kidnapped him. It was my fault he was taken after all. The least I could do was make sure he was alright after that. He seemed off.

Maybe he was like that before, but I never really noticed it. When I started making sure he was okay, I started to admire him. He was so strong for handling things on his own. He also has a great body. Wait. What? Okay, he does, but he works out, so of course it is. I shouldn't be thinking about this in class.

I shouldn't be thinking about his body or his smooth, beautiful face at all. What the hell is wrong with me? I just have to make sure he's okay. I'll ask him what he's feeling after school. Hopefully, he'll tell me. He needs to talk to someone.

It's almost time for school to end. Just 10 more minutes. I turn to look at Katsuki to see him looking back at me, nervously, as if he didn't want to talk. He quickly changed his face into one of hatred so that no one would notice his feelings. Kirishima went up to him and said, "Hey Bakugo, you want to hang with me and Sero after school?"

"No, not today, maybe on Monday. I already have plans for today and tomorrow," Bakugo said angrily. I wonder how he does it. Keep up his act when he's so tired of it already.

Bakugo turned back around and started taking out his phone as Kirishima walked away sadly. Katsuki pulled out his earbuds and plugged them in as the bell rang, signaling that the school day was finally over.

Katsuki's POV:

I had to find a way to get to the bathrooms without Shoto noticing. I needed to get away from him for a few minutes so that I could finally get my release. I needed to do it. I saw him walk out the class and turn left towards the exit of the school along with all our other classmates.

I noticed that Mr. Aizawa had left. Hm when do he do that? Anyway, I slowly walk towards the door and looked left to see no one in the halls anymore. I dashed right in order to find another restroom. I finally came across one and quietly entered, checking if anyone was in there. After I had checked all the stalls, I went back to the restroom door and locked it.

Then, I went over to the sink and pulled out one of my make-up containers. I keep my blade hidden in there, under the disc that keeps the powdered make-up. I usually don't use that one. Mostly because it has glitter, but if it comes down to it, and I have to, I will use it.

I pull out the blade and start crying when I see it. It was already becoming a little dull, but I had to do it. I quickly pulled up my sleeves and pressed the blade to my already scarred wrist. My right hand held the blade tightly and then I started dragging it along the old scars.

One for being gay.

Two for letting someone see me being weak.

Three for letting it be Shoto.

Four for letting him see me like that again.

Five for making myself believe that he might like me for a split second.

Six for letting him see my bags.

I continued this until I had 13 bleeding cuts. Tears were streaming down my face as I remembered all the beatings my mom gave me. I look over my wrist. The blood was covering old, fading scars and fresher ones with dried blood. They went up to less than halfway up my forearm. They weren't spread out, but there were cuts stacked on top of each other. They were deep and painful, but they were pretty easy to hide with scar make-up. I found some online a few months ago, and let me tell you, that make-up is expensive.

Sometimes my gauntlets help me cover them, but I still have the make-up just in case. I only put on the make-up when I know we'll be wearing our costumes. I have it in my backpack just in case. There's a tear in the pouch, and I hide my make-up in there.

I watch as the blood rushes out of each wound for about 2 minutes. I know I didn't cut deep enough to cut a vein, so I start rinsing the blood off slowly. The water is hot and is burning my wrists. Tears are still coming down my face as I think about how much I've disappointed everyone. I messed up All Might's career. He was put out of commission, all because I wasn't strong enough to save myself. I let myself be caught.

Of course I didn't want to be taken, but I wasn't strong enough. Why am I not strong enough? I let out a sob. As I'm crying, I go get some paper towels and hold it to my wrist until the cuts stop bleeding. What will Shoto want to ask me?

Will he figure everything out? What will he do if he does? Will he tell Mr. Aizawa? Will I still be able to keep training to be a hero? I just want to be able to save lives. To be like All Might. To be better than All Might. That won't happen though. Because I'm weak.

I gasp. Shoto! What time is it? Am I late? I scramble to find my phone. Oh. I still have 5 minutes. It's 4:25. Once the cuts stop bleeding, I pull my sleeve down carefully and apply make-up to my under eyes again.

It looks good enough, so I start rushing to the front. I only have 2 minutes to get there before 4:30. Ugh, I'm so nervous. As I reach the doors, I start slowing down a bit. I take a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh. I put on my act again and push the doors open aggressively.

I see Shoto standing at the gate and he quickly looks up. I angrily stride towards him. "Where are we going IcyHot?!" He looks at me with the same emotionless face and says, "I was thinking we could go get some food."

I froze. Food. I don't need food right now. I need to be more fit than him and Izuku. I can't stay fit if I keep eating. I've noticed that I started gaining some weight. I was bigger than Shoto, but I'm weaker than him. So, I decided that I needed to lose some weight.

I stood there while he was checking his phone. I quickly composed myself, glad that he didn't see me stop suddenly. He looks up and says, "Okay I just set up the reservation at a restaurant. We'll have the whole place to ourselves for 2 hours. We should get going."

I was shocked. Wow he can really do that? Why was he spending so much money on me? I should just tell him that I'm busy. That I had plans and I forgot. Mother had work today, so I should be good for a while. She gets home at 10 on Mondays through Thursdays. And on Friday and Saturday, she gets out at 4:15. She sadly doesn't work on Sundays.

I speak up, yelling, "Tch I don't have time for this IcyHot! I already had plans!" He looks back at me and smiles. Damn that's cute. Oops, well it's true. He says, "I know that's not true, you're a very bad liar."

He should smile more, I catch myself thinking, and I quickly turn my face so he doesn't notice my blush. He's walking a little bit faster than me so he grabs my right arm, thankfully, and starts walking faster. Just dragging me along. I yell, "Hey calm it IcyHot, I wasn't lying. I had just forgot about them!" I look away.

He turns back and stops suddenly. I am still walking and run right into him. I step on his feet and we both fall over. Me on top of him with my arms next to his head.

***
Word Count: 1,443
Ahhh omg I almost have 100 reads. That's totally crazy. Anyways, I have to have an uploading schedule. I want to upload twice a week, so let me know which two days you want me to upload on. Thank you SOOOOOO much for reading this. Ahh, let me know what you guys think of the story so far. I would love some criticism so that I know what you guys like. THANKS <3.