Addicted To You

35

I don't know why I sometimes try with Chase. One moment he's hot, then the next, he's cold. I had a feeling he would be bitter about what happened days ago, but for him to avoid me for it, is extreme. He's so bipolar it unsettles me. 

Ellie attempted to get me out of bed to go to classes for the day. I'm mentally exhausted. I could care less to go. And to make my day even more rotten, I called Nolan getting ready to end things, not because of Chase, but for my own sanity. We've been on break for weeks, and I never know where we stand. What makes it worse is I fooled around with Chase during it. Instead of healing our relationship, we are shredding it apart. Just as I was about to say the words, he told me he was busy and could talk later.

God, I'm so sick of this 'break' thing. Whoever invented it can shove it up their ass.

I called again hours later, and his phone went straight to voicemail, so I texted him to call me back if he got the chance. I skipped out on telling him I loved him because it felt wrong. I wasn't feeling the love any more. 

This whole time I loved Nolan, not knowing that I was not IN love with him. I feel like I wasted his time and my time as well. We built a relationship for four years just to move on with our lives in the end. It brings me back to what Chase said to me while at Roger's party. There is a difference between loving someone and being in love. 

Hours later, Delilah barged into the room with excitement written across her face. That can never be good. "What are you so happy about?" I ask, merely concerned for my life. 

"It's Friday, which means it's party time." She throws a bag at me. "Put this on and come to my room so I can put makeup on you. Where's Ellie?" She glances around the room after insisting I oblige to her insane makeover. I've been here one too many times to know if I go out, things will end horribly.  

"She's in the bathroom getting ready," I inform her. "And I'm not coming; I didn't get a ticket."

"Neither did Ellie, but Trixi was kind enough to get two extra for you guys." I should've known that wasn't going to stop her from being persistent about it. 

"Why would Trixi do that?" I asked. Trixi never does anything for anybody besides herself.

"She wants to try and be cordial with you, plus I forced her." She shrugged and tilted her head. "Is everything ok? I feel like I haven't had the chance to sit down and chat with you again. I missed that."

"Everything is fine." Besides the fact that I can't trust her or Trixi. "I don't feel like going to a party wearing a slutty..." I open the bag to a small size seductive nurse outfit. 

"Oh, come on. I promise it'll be worth it." She begs. Ellie comes out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel. "Ellie, please convince your cousin to come to the party with us. Trixi and I went out to get her a costume." Delilah leaves the room without the costume she brought in. 

 Ellie immediately flashes her eyes toward me.

I shake my head and push the bag away. "Nope, not going."

"I'm not saying anything. You are the one that is mopping around thinking about Chase, then Nolan, then Chase again, and oh wait...Nolan." She taunts me. "What you could be doing is getting your sexy ass in that costume, getting your makeup done, and making Chase wish he were not the way he is. But that's just what I would do." She places her hands up, and her lips slant back.

Hours later, I am in Delilah's room, staring at my barely clothed body in a fishnet stocking that reaches my upper thighs. The red dress hardly reaches the stockings themselves. Delilah straightens my hair and my bangs. The makeup she plastered onto my face made me look different. In a way, I never felt. Attractive. She put a natural color on my eyes and lips, making me glow with highlights and blush.