Addicted To You

64

"I don't want to talk, and I don't want to try again," I tell him while shoving past him and towards the door. If he's not here for that, then I don't see any other reason for him to be here. "How did you even find my apartment?" I turn to face him before opening the door and fold my arms over my chest. I noticed how clear his eyes were, with a hint of darkness under them, coming from the lack of sleep Trevor mentioned. There were no signs of distress in his eyes. Not like the last time I saw him. 

"I'm not here to force you into anything or confess my love for you. . . again." The corner of his lips lifted. "If I tell you how you may not forgive him." He adds, clearly stating that Trevor shared that information with him. I will need another chat with him about this. 

I open my door and step inside, I could just shut it in his face, but given the circumstances, I haven't been the best at making the right choice as well. I'm officially as bad as him, but we are both far from perfection. It makes me wish I can forget all of this and continue on with the life I planned on living before him.

"What are you doing here then? Trixi and her friends didn't want to have sex with you?" I question. 

His brows furrowed with a clenched jaw. "No. Why the hell would you say that?" I dont know why I would. I guess in the back of my head I still wondered why he was walking with Trixi that one time. I have no reason or entitlement to ask though. 

"I came to show you something. I know you don't want to talk to me or even look at me." He watches as my eyes fall. "I have Roger and Trevor, but you are also someone important to me, someone I would want to share this with. Here." He held up a picture of a little boy with short wavy hair and a cute smile. It's a toddler, his toddler?

I take the picture from him, relieving a smile, only because it's a baby and who doesn't like babies? I just can't believe it's actually his. I didn't think this is his way of rubbing it in my face that he is ahead in life. He's almost done with college, has a business that will be up and running soon and he has a family. What does that mean for him and Violet? "He's adorable." I fight back the bitter tears, just by thinking of it. 

"His name is Xavier." His face lights up with excitement and happiness, something I haven't seen in a while, not since he was with me. When we were exemplary. 

He must be accepting the fact that he's a father. Come to think of it, I wonder how he felt when he found out. Knowing him, he must have been confounded and entangled in a heap of feelings. It just sucks he didn't think coming to me would've helped. I would've been understanding. Hurt, and confused but most definitely understanding. And if he would've just told me about Ashely the moment it happened, we could probably be in a different situation. But saying that makes me sound hypocritical because I don't know how to tell him about Archer. Maybe I should talk to Dr. Gonzales after all. 

This all sounds surreal. I can't believe he has a kid with Violet.  I hand the picture back to him and pick at my nails. "Did you want to come in?" I ask.

He shakes his head and denies my offer. I stopped myself from gapping my mouth open. Chase Hamilton never says "no" to that offer. "I have to pick Xavier up. It's about time he meets my mother and Celeste. I just really wanted to see you." He smiles, reminding me of the days he would always smile at me. "I miss you, Bennett." He beams at the annoying last name, I've asked him not to use for me. 

And I miss him. 

But, there's no way things can go back to normal.

Why did he have to come here?

Even after all the messed up things he did, I still love him. I wouldn't tell him that though, I think we're both where we are supposed to be. Apart.

"Well...I guess I'll see your around then?" I tell him with a slight grin when all I want to do is hold him and apologize for freaking out when he told me about Xavier.