My Mate is a Crazy Cat Lady {Namjoonxreader}

Chapter 7: Advice

*seonsaengnim: Teacher

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One moment turned into two and eventually I lost track of time. My eyes were dry now and the ominous feelings of no happy ending to this situation were all but gone. I can't understand why. All I know is that Namjoon's comfort had become my strength and for some inexplicable reason I was more self assured and comfortable than I had ever been.

Once the initial moment had passed and I had calmed down I should have let go. I should have stepped back and thanked him for everything. But I couldn't. On one hand I was now self conscious that he had seen this side of me. Nobody likes showing their weak side to anyone so that part I can understand. On the other hand the part I can't comprehend is the piece of me that wanted to cling tighter to him and breathe in his scent and bathe in this warm feeling and never let go.

I have to let go.

Slowly I try to convince myself to pull away. But just the thought brings a whimper out of my mouth and unconsciously I cling onto the back of his jacket tighter, burying my face in his chest. Why the hell does he smell so good?

This is so embarrassing.

Namjoon doesn't say a word. His arms remain strong and steady around me, one hand stroking my hair. I fight not to lean into this touch. That part I wouldn't be able to explain later. Except that I just did that when I put my face in his chest. Shit.

Let go, Y/n. You have to let go.

"Thank you." I mumble into his chest. Maybe I can convince him to let me go? Unwillingly I unclench my hands from the fabric of his jacket. "You didn't have to be so nice to me." I lift my eyes from his chest and upwards, only to find him already gazing back at me with a look I can't explain. My heart jumps into my throat.

"You deserve all the happiness in the world." His voice is low and soft, so alluring it fills me with the urge to get closer but stubbornly I stand by ground, fighting against everything in me to give in to this inexplicable feeling. What is wrong with me? What's up with him? Why would he say that? I want to believe him but I can't. In a split second a memory of words spoken in disdain echo in my mind.

"You're disgusting. Who could love you?"

As if the words had come to life and physically burned me I flinched out of Namjoon's hold and forced my eyes anywhere else. The moment I was free of his embrace my body felt cold and foreign and my heart hurt. But that was ok. That is what I deserve...right?

"Y/n?"

I ignore Namjoon's voice calling for me and reply to my dad's text about what exam room we're in. A moment later he had arrived and this time it was his arms around me. Desperately I ignore the voice in my head telling me that these arms felt wrong. I could gain comfort from my dad but nothing will bring me the same type of completion I had received from Namjoon. That thought is absolutely terrifying.

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Something had scared Y/n and I didn't understand what. For a moment there was a definite connection. Or was it only on my end? No. Even if it was small she would have felt...something. Anything. Since I'd discovered her as my mate I'd done my research, mainly in the form of speaking with other members of my pack that had mated with humans.

Jin's father was human and as he had told it, the whole experience for him had been completely different as a human, as one would expect. The way he had explained it, he hadn't been able to feel the mate connection at all until the first time they had hugged. And later on after he'd been marked and could experience it in full, he'd said the feeling when they'd shared a hug was only a fraction of the bond's full potential.