Arms Unfolding

Chapter 2

John's Point Of View

Paul left to go hang out with George or maybe Ringo. It was cold outside but I didn't really care. I took another drag from my cigarette. I keep thinking about when I told Paul about it. That damn therapist!

I remember how sad he looked. All I wanted to do was make it better but there's no real way to make it better. Seeing him there so disappointed and sad made me feel worse than I already did.

Then the damn press found out. It's quite a shit show. It still kinda is I can't do anything without everyone hating me. I know I fucked up they don't need to keep reminding me. I should've never cheated on Paul with Brian. Brian of all people! I still don't know why I did it.

It's not like he forced me too I consented. I wasn't even thinking about Paul when it happened. I guess I couldn't help it. Sometimes I wish I never told Paul but the guilt was killing me. Paul and I aren't the only ones getting fucked for my awful decision everyone else in the band dropped him as our manager.

"John? Have you been out here the entire time I've been gone?" Paul said stopping my train of thought.

"Yeah, why?"

"No reason."

__________

I woke up with a cold. Is this what Paul was so concerned about yesterday. I honestly deserve it though. I've fucked everything up for everyone.

"John? Do you want me to get some medicine for you?" Paul sounded genuinely concerned.

"No, I'm good." I tried to not sound sick but I couldn't help it.

"John, is going to the store anyway so it wouldn't be a big hassle and besides-" I quickly interrupted him.  "I don't fucking need any medicine!"

Paul sadly looked down at the ground. I did it again! I fucked it up! Not that it wasn't already fucked up but I found a way to make it worse. Why do I always do this?

Paul began to walk away but I grabbed his arm. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." I trailed off not really knowing what else too say. "It's fine." I let go of him and he left. 

I felt like crying but I don't see the point. It wouldn't change anything. I just want all of this to go back to normal. I wish I could just hold Paul again. I can't see it ever being normal again and it's all my fucking fault!

I've been wondering a lot lately what's the point? If it's going to be like this forever then what's the point? Can someone please fucking tell me because I'm lost.

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