Arms Unfolding

Chapter 5

I finally got home after a long night of driving around. The man at the diner said I thought I should work it out but him well... I lied about it being a she since I didn't want to be called Satan. I don't know why I didn't immediately go back home and talk. I guess I'm just scared he's gonna see what a piece of shit I am.

I took a deep breath before putting my keys into the door and opening it. Paul was sitting at the couch and staring right at me. God what do I say? "Hey, I'm sorry and I know I've said sorry so many times that you're probably tired of it, but I-" Paul interrupted my rambling with a exhausted statement. "John, I've been up all night waiting for you too come home."

I opened my mouth but I didn't know what to say. I wish there was another word for sorry that could make it better. Words fail and there's nothing I can say. Does he still wanna even be with me anymore? I feel so desperate there isn't a clear answer. "What do we do?"

"John, I don't know but we should get reading for therapy." He said bluntly.

I was hated that place. I wish we didn't have to go there. I can't see it helping at all. It's an ineffective waste of time and money. But it makes Paul happy so fuck it. "But we just had it."

"I scheduled another appointment last night after your fuck up!" He looked like he was about to break into tears. I couldn't see him cry one more time. "Paul, please I can't stand to see you cry." I sat next to Paul on the couch but he moved away from me. "That's a lie. If you hated it then why do you make me?"

___________

There we were sitting on a couch in this lavender smelling, money waste. I tried to pay attention since I'd make Paul happy. "John, where did you go?" She had a calming voice that made it easy to talk. "I drove around the city and eventually went to a diner."

"Why didn't you come home until the morning?" She gave me a encouraging smile. "I don't know. I just think I was scared."

"Why were you scared?" She wrote down something on her notepad before looking back at me. "I thought-I knew that I fucked up again."

"Paul? You're pretty quite what's on your mind?"

"Honestly I don't know what to do anymore. I don't wanna be angry at John I just want everything to be normal but it can't be normal."  I looked at his exhausted face. He had suffered enough for my mistakes.

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