Fate | 정 전국

{Six}

{Chapter Six}

Honestly I don't know how he'll react. I should probably expect that he would go berserk or something. I really hope that doesn't happen. The worst thing that could happen is that he walks out of this house, angry at me and not at his girlfriend.

"Tada!" Jungkook snaps me out of my train of thought. My head that was resting on my knuckles looks at him and I slightly smile for his kindness. Thanks Jungkook, even though right now I'm not in the mood.

"Wow, this looks amazing... I'll eat well." He gives me that smile and digs in before I do. But I go in right after him.

Again we share stories, we laugh, we smile, and we have these silent awkward silence but I like how he clears his throat and makes those stupid jokes he has hidden up his sleeve.

LuHan never joked a lot. He thought they were immature and we needed to be serious. Of course I agreed, I would have done anything to make him happy. I would have given anything, to see his smiles.

But now I see a better smile in front of me.

Wait, no.

No.

NO.

I can't like Jungkook. It seems forbidden. I can't. I just can't. After what happened to LuHan, I'm afraid of love. I knew it had it's consequences but I never knew I would get this much pain.

But... Was it even love in the first place?

Which makes me wonder, is he thinking about me right now? Is he thinking of ways to say sorry and take me back? Or... is he just screwing her?

"YooNi." A stern voice again snaps me out of my thoughts. God I have to stop that.

"N-Ne."

Jungkook gives me a sympathetic look. "I've been watching you zone out for the past ten minutes." I avert my eyes. Of course I can't help it. "I'm sorry I can't take away the pain. I'm not close to you but I feel deeply sad if you're sad so," His hand fidgets.

-

I lay on the couch in a fetus position. My eyes are glued onto the television screen but I'm not paying attention to whatever they're broadcasting. My mind has been cluttered with thoughts and I'm not sure when it will stop. Or ever stop. Life isn't fair. Life is just a rollercoaster and you have no choice but to suffer the unpredictable movements of the cart. You just keep going up and down until, well until you meet your inevitable doom.

Jungkook went to the grocery store to get more food for me. He says I don't eat enough. I'm perfectly fine if I say so myself. I'm not perfectly confident about myself but I have so confidence to know I have a decent body. See? I'm already overthinking about this.

Jungkook has said many things to me in such short time. He keeps comforting me and sometimes I just want to tell him that I can't be fixed. I'm empty. I can't be full anymore. I want to tell him that I'm useless. I don't because I know he'll just give me this speech so I keep it to myself.

YooNi, you're useless.

Jungkook and I stopped counting how many times I sobbed. At times I feel like he doesn't care about me and needs a place to crash but then I remember all the things he's done for me. Hell he's at the grocery store paying for food that's not even for his own home.

But something at the pit of my stomach just hurts. Guilt. I know something important that he doesn't. That secret is just the rubber band that holds us together. One day it'll snap and we'll be split apart.

The door clicks and it opens. I sit up and I help him quickly but he pulls the plastic bags away from my grasp. "Nope, you have to sit."

"Bu-"

He turns his head towards me and shows me that cute smile that resembles a bunny. He turns away and I find myself looking at the ground smiling. Jungkook tips my chin up, "Gwenchana? You look a bit pink."

I'm blushing Jungkook, is what I wanted to tell him. I just shake my head and tell him I'm okay. He gives me that look before shaking his head. He knows I'm lying. LuHan never knows when I'm lying.

I shake my head. I keep lying to him. I've always told LuHan the truth. Why am I so afraid to tell Jungkook?

"It's getting late, you should be resting now technically." Jungkook says as he puts the food away.

"Are you my doctor or caretaker now?" I joke. He looks at me with that smile.

"You wish." He playfully rolls his eyes.

Jungkook turns around and organizes my fridge. My freaking fridge. He has a smile on his face, like he likes to help me. Now I don't want to tell him anymore. But I have no choice do I? If he finds out himself he'll be even more mad at me for not telling him when I knew.

"Jungkook?" I say his name.

"Hm?"

"I-I have something to tell you."

-

"I'm sorry I can't take away the pain, I'm not close to you but I feel deeply sad if you're sad so," His hand fidgets, "please don't be sad anymore. It hurts me too."

A tear falls down my eye. How can I be happy when I'm just being towered with guilt? I feel a warm hand take mine. I look into his eyes and he gives me that smile, that smile that says that it'll be okay.

I know it will Jungkook, but we're far from happiness right now.