Chapter 10

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     Cera sat up in bed and stared down at Brae. He was sleeping peacefully, his breathing slow and steady. She ached to reach out and touch him, but she didn't want to chance waking him up. Finally able to drop her wall, the tears she had been holding back ran down her cheeks as she let her gaze roam over his face, the pulse in his neck, his hand resting on his chest, and his fingers. She imagined his fingers grazing her cheek as he pushed his hand into her hair by her ear, holding her head as he kissed her forehead. Shutting her eyes tightly she shook her head and told herself not to wake him, not to tell him she wasn't going to change anything. She couldn't. Cera didn't know how to explain that she knew she had to die, that she would be okay afterward, but she still had to die. There was something in her dream that made her feel that she needed to find out something important, but she wouldn't know what that was unless she died.

     Cera slowly made her way off the bed and walked to the fire, pulling the poker from the wall and jabbing it into the fire quickly before placing it back where it was before she grabbed it. Standing she walked to the door and hoped that the warmth would be enough that Brae didn't wake and find her gone. She needed to talk to Tarn without interruption. Opening the door, she squeezed herself through and quietly closed the door behind her, making her way down the hall. Sliding her back along the wall she stopped when she neared the opening to the family room. Light flickered against the walls and she knew the fire was being tended to, which meant someone was awake. Peering around the wall's edge she saw Crina sleeping and Rayen laying back in the chair near her. His face was turned away from her. Quickly she stepped across the opening and headed for Tarn's door. Without waiting or knocking she opened and walked through his door, closing it quietly behind her. Cera's heart had been beating a mile a minute and just for a moment, she had forgotten about what was to come.

     "Aaah, what the...who's there? Show yourself."

     Cera heard tussling, "Tarn?" Cera whispered as loudly as she dared and snapped her fingers. She relaxed when a fire erupted in the fireplace across from his bed.

     "Cera? Did you just snap a fire into existence? What would you have done if there was no fireplace?" Tarn's eyebrows shot up into his forehead as he looked at her questioningly. "Why are you in my room? You know what will happen if Brae wakes up?" Tarn grabbed his blanket and was about to throw it off but looked down and rearranged the blanket over him before crossing his arms over his chest.

     Cera wished she could smile at his modesty, "I can't talk to anyone else." Cera saw the understanding in Tarn's demeanor as he let his hands fall into his lap.

     "Can we not talk about what I think you think you want to talk about right now? I said okay to helping you, but I'm not happy about it. Brae would definitely challenge me if he knew and he would definitely want to kill me."

     Cera sat on the floor with her back to Tarn and held her hands out toward the fire. They were shaking, "I'm scared." Cera heard Tarn exhale deeply. She waited patiently for him to respond.

     "And now we're talking about it. Then don't do it. With your back to me, you can't see that I'm shaking my head. I am you know, with, I don't know...gusto."

     Cera ignored his attempt at humor, "I have to though. I don't know how to explain it. There's something that I'll learn by dying."

     "What could you possibly learn other than what it feels like to die?"

     "I don't know how, but I know that the future that Brae saw won't happen if I don't go through with it, Tarn."

     Tarn frowned, "What did he see?"

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