Chamber by Chamber // Snowbaz

A Fine Line

COC #9: Pattern

Simon Snow is in this monotonous picture, and he doesn't like it.

~ So pleased with how this came out!!! Enjoy! ~

Every day is the same lately. My schedule, who I talk to... what I talk about. Who I love, who I hate, who I like.

I get up in the morning and take a shower. I dress in my clothes and ignore Baz- we throw casual glances and sneers and growls toward each other. He usually makes a snide comment.I go down to breakfast and sit with Agatha and Penny. I shoot Agatha nervous glances and hold her hand loosely. I always eat a lot. We always talk about the Humdrum and I always talk about Baz's latest plot. I go to my classes. I get into the occasional fight with Baz. I learn about magic I can't even control and wait for the mage to give me another mission. I talk to the same people about the same things at the same time... every day.I go to lunch. Cue repeat of #2, but more glares between Baz and I. More classes. Cue repeat of #3.Dinnertime. Cue repeat of #2 and #4. I get back to Mummers and do my homework while Baz is either down in the Catacombs or at Football practise. Sometimes I go. Sometimes I'm too tired. Baz gets back home (home? It's certainly the only thing that feels like home) and does homework, too. He takes a shower. We avoid each other, sometimes getting into a fight. Sleep. The only thing that's really different each day are my dreams and nightmares. Sometimes I dream of Baz. Sometimes Penny, Agatha. The Humdrum. The mage. But mostly Baz and I fighting to the death. I get up in the morning...

I'm in a monotonous cycle and it's... well it's bloody draining, now isn't it? I'm just very very done with it. (I love lists, but this one bums me out.) It feels as though I'm going through the same motions every day, not really feeling any of them- not even fighting with Baz. Even that has lost its appeal. It used to be fun and a bit entertaining. Something I could count on to do every day to make the days a little more exciting. But we haven't gotten into a real fight for months now, and our daily bickering just feels like something to do now. And now that I can count on everything everyday, fighting with him doesn't seem as important.

I want something to change. (I need something to change; I'm going crazy.) This warped pattern of mine is going to kill me. When I look at my dreaded list of things I do daily, it's noticeable that Baz is the only common denominator. (Say what you want about my schooling, but I passed Primary school. I know what denominators are.) So that tells me... well what does that tell me? That tells me something, yeah? It tells me that I need to change something with Baz. I can't just very well kill him- I think that might actually make me more miserable. (For reasons I'd rather not think about right now.)

"Earth to Simon? Si??" Penny is waving her hand in front of my face and snapping to get my attention. I come back to reality (unfortunately) and look to my side, where Agatha has just been brought back down to Earth, too.

Penny looks at us, puzzled. "What on Earth is going on with you too? You've both been staring at," She doesn't even need to turn and look. "Baz all bloody morning! Crowley, would you like to just invite him over?" I shake my head and Agatha stays quiet. (She doesn't talk much, anymore. She mostly stares at Baz.)

"Sorry Pen, I was just-" Agatha turns to me, face set in determination.

"Simon, I think we need to break up." She says flat out. She doesn't keep going- just says we need to break up, full stop. Merlin, I saw this coming. I can't say I'm surprised. (Can't say the same for Penny- she's staring at Agatha with her mouth wide open. I want to tell her to pick her jaw up from the floor.)

I nod and sigh. (A sigh with my shoulders.) "I think so, too," We let each other's hands go and return to eating like nothing happened. Penny is frantically whipping her head back and forth between the two of us.

"What in the bloody hell just happened...?" She whispers under her breath before giving up. If I'm being honest, I thought maybe breaking up with Agatha may change things in my boring pattern days. But it doesn't feel any different. (Which makes me wonder if we were really ever dating in the first place.) I pause for a few more minutes until I see Baz in all of his tall glory walking out of the dining hall. I stand abruptly, nearly knocking the table over.

"Nicks and slicks, Simon!" Penny shouts. "What the fuck was that for?!" I pay her near no attention as I start walking toward the exit.

Then, realizing I might've been rude, I turn my head back to her and shout, "I know what I need to do now! I'll explain later, Pen!" I know what I need to do.

I jog up behind Baz until he hears me and whips around, sneering. "What do you want, Snow?" I realize now that there's a fine line between love and hate... we are that line.

I grab him by his collar and push him up against the wall. Every god forsaken day he leaves the hall at the same time and every day I stay until first class begins.

Every day we pick on each other mindlessly and tease like school children.

"Simon?" He breathes. I'm staring into his eyes, as gorgeous as ever.

I'm pushing his hair behind his ear...

I'm leaning up to bump his nose with mine...

I'm gripping his collar even tighter...

I'm breaking the pattern.