Chamber by Chamber // Snowbaz

Use Somebody

COC #12: Song/Music Inspired

Simon is intent on getting someone back, but Baz isn't so sure about it.

~ This one is (surprise) inspired by Use Somebody, but a softer version, by the Kings of Leon. Enjoy! ~

*Simon's POV*

"Okay," I say under my breath, laying out the last candle. They're all lit in a circle, ready magicked to stay burning. (Compliments of Penny.) (She says this won't work- once I had yelled and sobbed at her, she quickly changed her tune.) I'm in Baz's old Watford room. Mrs. Bunce let me come in after I told her about my plans. (Although I'm bloody sure Penny told her to; her face had been pitying.)

Baz died... a month ago. (Was it a month ago? It feels like it's been years... but also only days.) I can't- I can't talk about how he died. (I can't even hardly think about it without wanting to die.) Crowley, I can barely even talk about any of it. But I've been doing research lately, and I just know I can bring him back. I've got everything the books have said I need and then some. A room he's emotionally tied to, candles, sage, an item that he's worn (his smell is almost too much to handle), and someone he was in love with. (Me, that is- I think he was in love. I was definitely bloody well gone.)

This past month has been my own personal hell. Just roaming around with no purpose, constantly looking down at the things I see. I can't do this - this life thing - if I don't have Baz here. I can't. I remember our last words before it happened.

"Simon, love," He whispered, cupping my face in his hands and looking into my eyes. "I could never leave you. I swear it."

"But, Baz-"

"Simon. Just... I won't go. Not without you. Not someone like you- but you. Simon Snow. My chosen one." I nodded and turned my face into his hand, breathing his scent in one more time. I could feel the tears start to spill over. What if this was the end of us?

"Promise you won't leave me?" My voice wavered and my lip quivered. He looked me square in the eyes then, jaw set in determination. His voice was a steel, comforting band around me.

"I promise, Snow. My soul could never bear to be apart from yours for even ten minutes- let alone a bloody eternity." He kissed me swiftly and soundly then, pushing the love from his heart to mine through his lips. Before I could get out my first I love you, he was gone. I got the news the next day that he had... (left me.)

And now I'm to bring him back. I know that I can because I've been studying nonstop for the past month. Distracting myself from thinking about... well. About him and how he's gone. But not for much longer, now. I know this might not work, but I s'pose I can't really admit that to myself, can I? If this doesn't work, then I'll have to (what? Die? I don't think I could do that to Penny) find something else to bring him back. I know that my magic is gone now, and I was never even bloody good at it when I did have it, but like Shephard says, we all have magic. I just can't control it anymore. But now, with everything I need, I think I can control it just enough to bring him back. To bring him home.

I sit in the middle of the circle of candles on the floor, sgae in my lap, clutching Baz's shirt tightly to my chest. "Reversus mea," I start to recite. Almost immediately, a breeze starts in the room even though the windows are shut tightly- I keep going. "Reversus in domum suam.

Et erit pro te in annis..." The wind is stronger now, but the candles still burn bright. "Come on, Basilton!"

"Reversus mea!" I say again, louder this time and with more force. "Reversus in domum suam... et erit pro te in annis!" The wind is so loud it hurts my ears. (And when did I start crying?) "God fucking damnit, Baz!" I shout before returning back to the spell. I say it three more times, each time the force of the spell getting stronger and stronger. (I have yet to open my eyes, but I know that things are flying in a circle around me- the books said that would happen.)

"REVERSUS MEA!" I shout as loud as I can. (S'pose I hope maybe he can hear me. I don't know exactly how this is s'posed to work.) "REVERSUS IN DOMUM SUAM, ET ERIT PRO TE IN ANNIS!" All at once, things thud to the ground and the wind stops in a thunderous whoosh. The candles' flames all blow out and I open my eyes to see that it failed. I failed...

I'm not getting Baz back.

*Baz's POV*

Simon falls forward, shoulders heaving up and down. He's letting out choked sobs as he pushes my shirt against his face, trying to muffle it all. He sits up on his knees, still unsteady and leaning forward. He looks strained- I can see his vein in his neck and he's red. Tears stream down his face and snot runs down into his mouth. (Absolutely atrocious. If I were able to talk to him, I'd correct his fucking horrendous manners this instant- not that he'd listen to me.) I want nothing more than to reach out and hold him. To tell him that I'm fine. (Fine being a relative term, of course. I'm dead and constantly without him.) I knew his spell wouldn't work. You can't just raise the dead.

"NO!" He's screaming his throat raw. He's breathing much too hard; he's going to faint. He opens his mouth like he's going to scream again, but nothing comes out. Just the deafeningly quiet sound of heartbreak. I want nothing more than to comfort him- to put my hand on his shoulder and kiss him soundly until the pain goes away. (Until both of our pain goes away- it could take a bloody eternity.) He's hiccuping now, but each sound comes out strangled. My heart breaks. (Do ghosts have hearts?)

"Oh Simon, love," I whisper softly, even though he can't hear me. (When did I start crying?) "Don't cry... please don't. I'm okay... I'm right here." He's rocking back and forth now, face buried in my shirt in his knees. He's taking gasping breaths of air, and I'm left feeling filled with want. With the perpetual feeling of consignment to oblivion, always wanting wanting wanting but never being able to have. I want the feeling of running my hands through his bronze curls. I want the feeling of his (extra)ordinary blue eyes boring into mine, and I so desperately want the feel of his lips on my skin again. I want want want Simon Snow back. I'd give anything to hold him in my arms again.

I walk forward a touch, crouching down and looking at the mess that sits in front of me. "Please," He begs now, looking up to the sky. (Or ceiling, rather.) "Please, Baz. I could-" He sniffles for a moment, a new batch of fresh tears falling from his eyes. His voice breaks again. "I could really use someone right about now..." He's sobbing again, face contorted into an expression of the epitome of heartbreak. His lips quiver, eyebrows drawn together in an upward arch with sadness filling his eyes. I know you could, I want to say to him. You have me... you just don't know it.

I lean forward just slightly, hand hovering over his that is clutching the bloody shirt. (Crowley, did he have to use the shirt I died in?) "I love you, Simon Snow. I wish I could be there for you." I press my hand onto his, trying to clutch it tightly even though he can't feel me. He pauses for a moment, looking around the room. He's tears are still flowing, but his face has changed into one of surprise. He looks straight at me (or through me, perhaps) and then back down at the hand I'm holding.

His voice is a choked gasp of astonishment as he looks back up to/through me.

"Baz?"