One More Time (Bremmy 1)

Chapterish 24

[Quote Aesthetic of the Chapterish]

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"Still against a real moment?" Brooks asks, looking at me sideways.

"I've never been against it, not really. Not ready to face it maybe." I answer honestly.

I can feel my heart swelling to ten times its size just looking at him now, next to me, the same boy I surrendered my heart to almost a decade ago. But we had such different lives then. We have such different lives now.

"We're never really ready to face it. You know, we never even talked when we broke up." Brooks sighs, rubbing his hands through his hair.

"Because there wasn't much to talk about. We needed it to end. At that time, it was right. And then, well. You know." I remind him.

"Yea, I know," he says quietly. I can almost hear the hurt in his voice. "And now? This time?"

"What do you mean this time? It's... still not right for us," I almost laugh. "Brooks, we have different lives now. They don't intersect."

"What do you call these last three weeks? I think we intersected many times." Brooks's hand squeezes my thigh. Is he really doing this right now?

"I call them a catch-up. A beautiful one. The last three weeks we never got." I smile. It's a sad smile because:

1. I'm still a masochist and

2. The look on his face is crippling.

"That's what you want it to be?" Brooks asks, his face suddenly intense.

I think of a million answers –each one more true than what I feel myself about to say.

"It's what I need it to be."

Oh yea and 3. I'M LYING.

"Come on, Ems. You're talking like how we were. Not like how we are. We're so different now. Better now." Brooks says it and I know he means it.

"Better? Better! It only seems better because of how shit it was before. That's no reason to try and make this real." My voice sounds harsh, I know. Words harsher.

"How shit it was before?" Brooks repeats my words, staring at me. "It wasn't ALL shit!"

"Didn't say it all was. Although, must not have meant shit to you anyway," I say.

I can't help it. Every time it comes up I just remember he cheated on me anyway. Our relationship was a sham anyway –the good parts too.

"So this is because of me? Because of before?" He asks.

"Of course it's because of before, Brooks! Just because your 26-year-old self has stopped acting like a douche bag long enough to fuck me again, doesn't mean you've changed!" I try to keep calm.

"That's not fair. I have changed," Brooks says, arms crossed. We're sitting on opposite ends of the truck bed now.

"Right. Yea, I bet." I look away from him.

"You don't trust me?" Brooks asks, quietly. Hmm. He is half accurate. "You still don't trust me?"

"Yes. And No. I don't trust you, but Brooks I don't trust myself either. I don't trust us! We kind of make terrible choices. You know that," I say, leaning into him. His hands are on my neck.

"We don't have to be terrible anymore. Let's break the pattern," he mumbles against my hair. "We could make this work, if we wanted it to. I know I want to."

"Brooks," I whisper, warningly.

I don't know what else to say so I hope he doesn't ask for more. Not right now.

He doesn't say anything. Just sighs. He takes my hand in his and raises it to his lips. His free hand tucks a loose piece of hair behind my ear, my ponytail a salty mess. I breathe in his smell as his hand rests on my cheek. Our eyes lock.

"One more time?" Brooks utters so V quietly against my lips. Waiting for my green light.

I respond with a kiss. A deep hot fucking wild kiss. Brooks jumps from the truck bed and stands between my legs.

The kiss awakens both of us. The goodbye in both of us. The goodbye we don't want to say. Me more than him because I'm afraid. His grip tightens on my waist. I moan into his mouth. His fingers slip beneath my shirt as I unbutton his jeans. Brooks tugs on my hair and kisses my exposed neck. He reaches down between my legs and slides a finger in me.

I squeal at the light touch and lift my hips ever slightly toward him. I'm ready. I can feel him smile against my bare neck. He pulls away and pulls his finger out at the same time. I look at him, at his finger in front of me glistening in the flickering carnival light. He sucks his own finger and I swear I'm going to die.

This is goodbye sex. Not the time for teasing.

I wrap my legs around his waist and press my chest against his. My nails ~lightly~ dig into his hair as I hold his head to me. My free hand slides down his chest to his jeans again. He feels so good in my palm. I will savor every single second of this last time.

"Fuck me." I command.

Brooks's hands hold me in place. He enters me fast and hard. With one last kiss I move away from him and arch my back. I lay against the truck bed, my legs still wrapped tightly around his waist. His hands are under my ass, on my hips, and grazing along the top of my clit.

Again with the delicious torture.

My chest heaves up and down with each of his movements. Brooks rubs me tenderly and then faster. He picks up my hand and places it under his. He rubs my own hand over myself.

Fuck it's hot. His eyes rake me in and I can see the satisfaction all over his face.

I'd stay like this forever, maybe. Definitely.

I will remember him like this. I know it. I promise it to myself. I won't harp on the emptiness or the brokenness of our high school relationship. I won't wonder all of the time WHAT IF. Instead, I'll remember him like this. Pushing into me, breathing into me. The slight curve at the corner of his lips when he smiles. The look in his eyes when he collapses on top of me.

And then it's over.

The unspoken end.

Of the sex.

Of the summer.

Of us.

It's been unreal living my life the last three weeks like I never left this place. Caught up in a summer fling that was years overdue. We earned it –the two of us. It was great, but realistically we both knew what it was.

It's happening again. The soundtrack is building.

These last few weeks flash through my mind in images and voices and a blur of colors all dancing to Good Times, compliments of All Time Low.

I'm leaving this sunset town. Tomorrow. It feels like the end of something that never really had a beginning. It's the end of what was already the end. But now when I think of us, it won't be of heartbreak, of two sad teenagers who lost love. It will be of two 26-year-olds who said goodbye.

Maybe the heartbreak can stay.

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Hi babes, comment time!!! Who is your favorite character so far and why?