One More Time (Bremmy 1)

Chapterish 61

12:01 AM, 2020

My heels crunch down on the foiled confetti as I follow Brooks out on the terrace, holding hands like some romantic couple. We leave the dancers and their tasteful nipple tassels behind us. We pass couples embracing, companions clinking glasses, and some people just emptying glasses.

We are 100 years ago. Truly, swallowed by the sands of time. We do not exist here in this world, not tonight. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe nothing we do tonight counts.

"Happy New Year, Emmy Lou." Brooks tucks my curl behind my ear, still holding my hand in his free palm.

"Happy New Year, Jay." I smile against his lips.

We kiss and I'm quite certain no one else has ever kissed like this. No one else ever will again.

"Hey," I say, looking up at him.

"Hey," he smiles down at me.

"I have something to ask you. Been wanting to all night, but I couldn't find the right time," I pause, biting my lip. "Do you want to... share my room tonight?"

"Ha-ha." Brooks squeezes my waist. "I'm honored for the invite."

"So that's a yes?"

It's almost 2 AM. Trix, Meg, Katie and I separated from the boys to get fresh air. My skin feels like the sun. Hot. Blistery. We descended the patio to the courtyard. There are only a few people left. Most left on the first train. Not us. We will take the last train home.

"Phew," Meg sighs, sitting on the edge of the fountain. The carnival marquee is behind her, its lights creating a misty glow. "I don't want the 20s to end."

"Yes," Trix agrees. "I think I'll be sad when it's over."

"I know. It's almost like we'll be entering a Depression." I can't help it. I'm a history nerd, OK.

"Something tells me you won't be too depressed for long," Meg laughs. She tilts her head over to the side of the promenade –to the edge of the cobblestones where the guys are smoking stogies in a semi-circle.

"Yea," Trix says. "You and Brooks. What's going on with you two? It's been months now. Like, a lot of months."

"Thanks, I didn't know." I roll my eyes. She lightly punches my arm.

"I'm serious. It's been months. And a few continental flights later..." Trix and Meg look at each other.

Cool. Tag team.

"Have you talked about it?" Meg asks, twirling her hair around her finger. I focus my eyes on the hazy light behind her.

"Not really, no."

"And that's OK with you?" Meg asks.

"Because it's OK if it's OK!" Trix chimes in.

"It's –Whatever. It's working for us. For now." I bite my lip.

They drop it, for now. My eyes wander back to the boys. To the boy. Dapper black pants, suspenders, slick hair, and cigar.

Shit. The depression is hitting.

Why can't he be mine? Like really mine? Why can't we live together and why can't I see him every day? Why's he already my best friend again?

2:29 AM

Brooks and I follow Travis and Trix off the train. Nate and Meg are close behind us. We're all a bit worn out. The last two nights got us good. I smile thinking it. Last night we were mid-twenties kids getting drunk and high at a nightclub rave, losing ourselves under showers of neon strobe lights. Tonight, we were adults, classy, timeless. The words time-capsule party come to mind. We spent a night inside another decade.

And then the train dropped us off again, delivered us back to where we started. Always back to where we started.

The rest of them leave us as we reach the hotel. Brooks guides me past the doors.

We stop at the Center Square. It's completely deserted and quiet, so quiet you can almost hear the snowfall. Brooks takes my hands and we pretend to dance on the plowed cobblestones. Minutes pass and we remain quiet. I wonder if we are both thinking the same things.

Tonight is the last night in Vail.

Tomorrow we leave for the real world.

We haven't talked about what happens next.

I'm trying to decide what I want to happen next when Brooks speaks.

"How do you feel about Miami?" He asks.

"Pretty platonic to be honest," I joke. He laughs.

"About visiting it? Like taking a trip... with me?" Brooks clarifies.

"Miami? With you? What's in Miami?" I can't help but blurt out.

"Star Resorts official re-launch party," Brooks says against my hair. "I told my dad I'd go. Not that I want to go."

"Course not," I nod.

I can hear it in his voice that he's fighting with his dad again. I see it in the way he rolls his eyes when he says it. I feel for him.

"Brody will be there too," he adds, trying to sound lighter.

"And you're inviting me?" I try to keep my voice sounding casual. It comes out anything but.

"I would much prefer it if you were there," Brooks smiles down at me. "Free hotel room."

"Well, how can I say no to that?" I roll my eyes. My stomach does a little flip thinking about the Benefit –about our talk in the garden –about disappearing. All the sudden, I'm thinking of his mom telling me that Brooks ditched Thanksgiving plans to come visit me. It's all too much.

"It's the second weekend in March," Brooks says. I blink and try to focus.

"Wow, OK." I say, surprised. He's already planning things with me for March? That's three months from now.

"You'll have plenty of time to figure out what to wear." He teases.

"You think I need three months to pick out an outfit? Geez, I'm not that bad am I?" I shove him in his side.

"You will need more than one outfit. It is a whole weekend," he laughs.

"What do you even wear to a hotel launch party?" I ask.

"Not sure," he says, shrugging. "It's black tie though. Dad's inviting a lot of people –investors, celebrities, promoters –you know." Brooks finishes. Celebrities?

"Good thing I have so much time to prepare," I say. I want to ask him if I'll see him before March. I just can't bring myself to form the question out loud. So I try to be less obvious. "So I'll see you then."

"I'll see you before then," he says confidently.

"You will?" I ask.

"I'll come to Seattle." He says, kissing my hand. "I'm about due for another yoga class," he says, his eyes igniting when he laughs.

"I thought we agreed you were switching hobbies?" I laugh.

My body is happy. But my heart hurts. It fucking weeps for itself. Dramatic, I'm aware. But we both know this isn't going to work.

We can't be endgame.