One More Time (Bremmy 1)

Chapterish 45

[Quote Aesthetic of the Chapterish]

...

We walk the town, bundled up, our steps in rhythm with the snowflakes. Each one is a piece of me –a piece of him –a piece of the us we are becoming. It's beautiful and poignant in an almost tragic sort of way. We're like snow. Sure, we are beautiful now but eventually we will melt. 

Again, I'm ahead of myself. My eager thoughts too ready to destroy my own happiness are already trying to take over. Can't I just enjoy this evening stroll through a white-lit, snowy lane? Can't you enjoy your TV channel movie for a goddamn second, Em?

Weirdly I'm not digging a holiday hymn or Christmas song for my soundtrack vibe right now. I just keep thinking of a line from Let's Hurt Tonight (One Republic). Well, every single line, but some hit extra hard.

Love is pain. He is pain. We are pain.

I agreed to the pain, accepted it even. I accepted it when he liked my selfie, when I changed into 18 outfits for a bonfire, when I agreed to go on a walk with him after volleyball.

"I got a room," I hear myself saying before I can stop.

"You got a room?" He asks, his lips turning into a perfect smile. He looks up at the towering B&B in front of us. "Here?"

"Yup." I'm still leaning against him, burrowing my face into his chest to avoid the snow.

"And you're telling me..." He trails off. I see him smirking. "Because you want to make me jealous that I have to go back to my parents' house?"

"I'm telling you so I'm not alone in it," I blurt out. I bite my lip and look away quickly. I'm losing my shit.

"That's nice of you," he says like I just offered to share my umbrella with him.

"You did make me promise you." I remind him of Thanksgiving –of a month ago when he made me agree to save myself. The fucking weirdo.

"Promise me what?" He says. I pull myself away from him and look up, 100% ready to berate him for forgetting but I see that he's cracking up at me. "Relax. Of course I remember."

"Good." I roll my eyes.

He wraps his arms tighter around me. My feet are starting to lose feeling. "And did you keep your promise?"

I sigh and give him a DUH look.

Brooks leans down and kisses me. Just a tease of a kiss. But it's enough.

The bed is giant. Like, MEGA big. Not sure how they fit a Cali king in such a small B&B room. I plop myself across the center when we sneak up to my room. We waited until long after the rest of the guests left. The lobby was deserted apart from the lingering smell of cinnamon candles and withered festoons of mistletoe.

We don't speak.

We don't need to.

I sit up on the bed and he walks over to me. I'll never get tired of seeing this look on his face. The look of want, of need. I can't even smile at him. I'm just frozen in my spot.

Brooks unbuttons his shirt and his pants. It's like a little strip tease. I watch him move closer to me. My insides are screaming for him.

"Stand up." He looks at me, waiting. I oblige.

He unzips my dress and slips it off me, sinking to his knees as he does so. He takes me by the hips and pulls me to him. This is my reward for keeping my promise. I can already tell I'll be happy that I did.

I feel his breath on my inner thigh, right above me. I bite my lip to keep quiet. All of my weight is leaning on him, my legs resting on his shoulders. I dig my fingers into his hair. He responds by gripping harder on either side of me. I don't know how he can breathe. I don't know how I'm breathing.

His tongue should win awards.

Every. Award. Ever.

I'm so close to losing it but I don't want to without him. It kills me to pull him up by the hair. Brooks groans as he slides his hand under my ass to lift me back onto the bed. I wrap my legs around his back as he pushes into me.

Hearing him exhale with relief will NEVER. GET. OLD.

My hands are still entwined in his hair, holding his face to mine –his lips to mine. I let my hands fall down his back until they reach his ass. I try to pull him even closer into me. Brooks laughs beneath my kisses.

Brooks rolls onto his back and spins me on top of him. I steady myself on his chest.

Guys. Eye contact is key.

His hands glide up my waist and over my chest, cupping my tits. He licks his thumb and puts it back to my nipple. Instantly hard. Then his hands are up my neck and he's pulling my head to his. I lean over him, moving up, down, left, right, diagonal, you name it.

Brooks's right hand is in my hair, around my neck, holding me to him. He sucks my neck –no –bites my neck. Vamp Status. His left hand is holding my ass in place as he moves faster. Our heartbeats mimic his tempo. My nipples are still hard, smacking against his bare chest. Raw.

I want to explode into 1000 pieces. I want us both to. And then when people put us back together maybe they'll mix up our pieces and build us to be a part of each other.

Here for it.

His hands are in my hair now, pulling on it. My nerves stand of edge. I moan into his kisses. He could rip my hair out for all I care.

"Ready when you are," he whispers against my neck.

I can hardly nod in agreement. I feel him tense beneath me.

The climax.

The collapse.

The collateral damage:

My heart.