One More Time (Bremmy 1)

Chapterish 88

I always thought I'd feel like I was losing Trix whenever she got engaged. But I don't feel that way. I'm not sad or salty at all. I think in my head Trix and Travis were already engaged. Been engaged since junior year. Now it's just karat official.

"And start thinking up a wedding hashtag, my beautiful maid of honor!" Trix claps her hands together.

"Really?" I shriek.

"Duh. Ever seen Meg's taste? Love her, but c'mon, she can't be trusted with this. Plus, you're like my sister Em," Trix squeezes my hand.

"I'd love to be your MOH. I'll start on the hashtags tonight," I joke. "So wait, wait. How did he do it? Tell me the entire story!" I nudge her. "Spare nothing."

I get the story. Nothing fancy, but that's Travis. It happened about four days after the Tenfire misadventure. Back Bay at sunset, boat cruise, ring and champagne. Check. Check. Check. Boujee check.

#shesaidfuckyes

"Not to go back, but I meant to ask you," Trix says between bites of ice cream. "How did Trevor take it?"

"Oh, he was thrilled! Yea. Great chat we had. Wish we could do it all over again!" I exclaim, throwing my head back against the couch.

"Drama queen, much?" Trix smirks.

"Thought you loved my melodramatic flare?" I question.

"Oh I DO. For sure," Trix nods, tilting her head back to catch some whipped cream. "Keep going."

I shrug. "I mean, he wasn't happy with the news, but we were never really serious. Ya know, not exclusive. I think it was hard for him to figure out how to feel. Hard for me too."

"Makes sense," she says, plunging her spoon into the ice cream now. "Guess you can't be mad at losing something if it wasn't even a thing to be lost."

"Exactly. So wise," I joke.

But was it something to be lost? I tilt my head toward her and she's soft smiling at me. "We are still talking about Trevor, yes?"

"Course we are. I would never dream of calling you and him not a thing to be lost." Trix tucks my hair behind my ear. I smile at the way she says him. Like it's causing her pain.

"Right," is all I can say. I mask the sound of my voice cracking by coughing over my peanut butter.

"Good riddance, anyway, to Trevor and everyone else. Clean slate. Fresh start."

I nod and dig out more peanut butter with my giant spoon, my Big Dipper.

I see all the constellations as the white lights on the fort ceiling shine like stars against a dark sky. They feel just as far too –as far as the last year feels to me –as far as everything feels to me now.

Except maybe Trix.

I missed being so close to her. Just the two of us, like when we were kids. Before boys. Her long hair reaches to my pillow. It smells like strawberries and I realize under the faintly purple lights how beautiful she is. How kind and caring and the fact that she flew out here for me is overwhelming.

Suddenly I realize the weight of her words.

She is here for me. And so are the rest of them.

Nothing has changed. We keep moving. The World Spins Madly On #theweepies

I think I'm already better.

Maybe I won't be broken like last time.

Or maybe I will be.

And maybe that's OK.

Broken is beautiful too.