The hand.

Chapter sixteen

After what happened at the hospital,I realised my feelings for Zac had grown.
I want to tell him but I've had arguments in my head over why it would or wouldn't be a good idea.

Firstly,it's unprofessional to date a patient and I could loose my job.

But if he feels something for me too,I'm sure we could find a way to hide it and he won't be my patient forever.

Secondly,he's still upset about loosing Alex and hardly really talks to me now that we're out of the hospital.

But we had a moment at the hospital,more than one in fact and I can't be the only one who felt something.

Thirdly,what if he DOES'T feel anything for me and then it would just be awkward.

But there's also the slight chance that he DOES so it's worth taking the risk.

Or is it?

Ugh I don't know anymore!

It's been four days since he was discharged and all he's really done is sit around. I know he's upset with me for the loss of his best friend but he tries not to show it.
I can still tell though.

He still talks to me but I think that's either because he doesn't want me to feel bad because he knows I didn't mean it and regret it or it's because I give him food,clothes,a bed and a roof over his head so doesn't want to seem ungrateful?

I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I'm so tired,I've spent the past few nights awake,thinking of the pros and cons of telling him how I feel.

Maybe I shouldn't tell him. But if I do-
My thoughts were interrupted when Zac walked into the room.
Well this is a surprise,ever since we came home,he's either in his room or on the couch.

"Can we go for a walk? I'm feeling kinda confined and I wanna just be outdoors."
He actually wants to go out? I was so shocked,I nearly forgot to answer.

"Um yeah,of course,should we go to the park?"
I answered when I finally found my voice.

He nodded and we went to get our coats.

It's absolutely freezing outside and I'm really appreciating this warm coat right now.
I made sure to get him a warm coat after he moved in with me. I went shopping and bought him clothes,pyjamas,shoes,a coat and other things he might need like men's shower gel and soap,a toothbrush,razors,aftershave,hair products etc.

It costed me a lot but I didn't really care.

Anyway,I'm glad I got him a thick coat,It's almost cold enough to turn us into ice statues.
I'm exaggerating but you get what I mean.

I put my hands in my pockets to keep them warm and we made our way to the park.

I looked over at him and could see the joy on his face from being outside.

We made it to the park and walked around in silence. It was a comfortable,not awkward silence so I didn't mind.

I'm actually glad we came out here. I've needed this walk. It's really cold but it's so relaxing at the park.

The park has two sections.
The first section is the more popular section where people take their kids to play in the playground and the second section,where we're walking,is almost always very quiet. The second section is stunning. There's a lake and tall trees and a lot of grassy areas which is great in the summer as a place to sit and relax.

After a long walk,we sat down on a bench to take a break.
It really was beautiful here.
I looked over at Zac to see him looking around,taking in the beauty of nature.
He looked over at me and gave me a smile before looking away again.

I took this time to really look at him. His face is a work of art. He's tanned with perfect features,gorgeous blue eyes and
His hair.....
I just wanna run my hands through it. What would happen if I did? I wonder what he'd do if I put my hands through his hair right now.

Ugh Aubrey what are you even thinking?

I looked away and tried to focus on the world around me so I don't think anymore creepy thoughts.

After a while,it started to rain.
Then it poured.

We got home as quick as we could but we still got drenched.

I took both of our coats and hung them up to dry.

"Go take a warm shower and I'll make you some tea" I instructed him with a warm smile.

"What about you? Don't you need to warm up too?" He asked.

Aw he's so sweet!

"Don't worry,I'm fine,go shower!"

He nodded and went upstairs.

I turned up the heating and went to the kitchen to make us both some tea.

I poured some in a mug and went to sit on the couch.

I still don't know if I should tell him or not.
I'd be risking my job. That is if he even likes me back. Not only that but his dad's still out there.

I finished my tea and poured some in another mug for him.
I set it on the side and went upstairs.
He came out of the bathroom in fresh clothes and wet hair. He gave me a small smile and a nod before heading downstairs.
"Your tea's on the side" I called after him before going into my room.
I got my towel and my pyjamas before going into the bathroom.

The shower felt amazing. The warm water was so soothing and it really warmed me up.
I had brushed my teeth and was now ready for bed.

I went downstairs to make us some food.
I made pasta because it's quick and easy.
I put it in two bowls and brought some over to Zac.
He was sitting on the couch,holding an empty mug with the same sad expression he's had since we came home. He really misses Alex.

I handed him his bowl and sat next to him. He mumbled a thank you and I smiled in return.
I turned the tv on and we ate in silence.

We finally decided to go to bed and I pretty much fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

"Aubrey?"
I opened my eyes to see Zac standing over me.

"What time is it?" I yawned.
"It's 4:00,I'm sorry to wake you up at this time but there's something I gotta get off my chest."

My heart started beating fast.
"Sure,what is it?"

He looked in my eyes and said.
"Why don't I show you?"

He leaned in and I did too.

Then I woke up.
Ugh it was just a dream.

Just then,I heard crying and shouting coming from Zac's room.
I jumped out of bed and ran over to his room. I didn't even bother knocking,I just bursted into his room to see him crying and thrashing around in his sleep.

I ran over to him and started shaking him.
"Zac? Wake up! It's just a dream!"
He kept crying and screaming,moving around so violently,he nearly hit me.

"Zac,wake up,it's okay"
I said a bit louder.

Suddenly he opened his eyes and sat up.

"YOU! IT'S YOUR FAULT!"
He yelled,pointing his finger at me.
"What are you talking about?" I asked,genuinely confused.

"IT'S YOUR FAULT ALEX'S GONE!"