Falling ♡ Timothée Chalamet

10 - deadly

As human beings we all secretly envy each other.

When I see a girl like Halie Miller, with her luscious blond hair and her skinny but gorgeous figure and her daddy's bags of money open for her taking, I secretly want to know what it would feel like to be in her shoes.

Even if it's just for a day.

To have people love and admire me no matter how snobby I act, or how bitchy I am. To have a father who pampers me and showers me with affection no matter what I do. To have the world in my hands.

Having the world in her hands is a gift that Halie Miller definitely takes for granted.

I might hate her. But part of it is because I'd rather be her, than be myself.

When people who don't know me, see me, what they see is some picture perfect girl with two best friends that love her, living a happy life full of freedom and no regrets.

But in reality I'm not that girl at all.

I'm not picture perfect.

I cover my bruises with make up and my scars are hidden under my long-sleeved shirts and my brothers gym shorts that I burrow all the time.

My two best friends might claim to love me, but they don't act on that claim. I don't get asked about by them, or cared about, or really look at by them. I feel like I'm some ornament in their perfectly made up lives that just happens to complete their picture of a what a perfect friendship should look like.

But they don't know me. Not like they should.

I'm in the cafeteria with Sam listening to him as he gushes over Halie. They hung out all weekend, going to movies, showing up at random parties, and making out in the back of his white Porsche.

That same perfect weekend he had with Halie was one of the most stressful weekends of my entire life. Just days ago I told Timothée my biggest secrets, just days ago my brother showed up out of nowhere, just days ago he told me we would leave our father behind and live together.

And that's exactly what we ended up doing.

So far it's been great. I thought I'd sleep peacefully last night but instead I woke up from a stupid nightmare I had where my father found out where me and Aaron lived and he showed up to take us back home.

It was my mind playing tricks on me. Telling me I'm not as safe as I think I am. I wish it would stop because my dreams feel like reality. And I can't shake the fear out of my mind.

'What's up!' Its Noelle, she's very peppy as per usual and thankfully her presence shuts Sam up for a moment because I'm sick of listening to him talk about Halie.

She puts an arm around my shoulder, in an attempt to hug me. I lean into her because I really want to be hugged right now but her hug doesn't give me the satisfaction I want.

All of a sudden I start thinking about Timothée, about how much his hugs matter. They aren't half ass, he holds me like he never wants to let go and his hugs speak more than words ever could.

I push the thoughts out of my head though, and I focus on my two friends who are now discussing Halie once again. 'Sam can you please not bring her name up when I'm around.' Noelle says rolling her eyes.

Sam scoffs. 'Why are you so fucking pissed, it's not like she's your rival. I get it when El gets mad because they play against each other in soccer practice but why do you hate her so much?' Sam asks, like the answer isn't obvious. Like it isn't written in big letters on Noelle's forehead.