Falling ♡ Timothée Chalamet

37 - sure

This is it.

Summer break has finally begun.

I won't be seeing the same familiar faces of the girls in my soccer team, I won't have Halie Miller to bicker with every day. Alex won't greet me thoughtfully when I pass him in the hallways, Noelle won't be at her designated spot by the lockers and I won't be able to watch the Sam and Halie drama unfold in the hallways ever again.

And let's not forget about every other person who I grew up with, and sat with and was partnered with and I had short conversations with every few months. It sucked I was never going to see any of them again. At least, not unless it's some bizarre coincidence. And for some reason when that thought settles in my mind I feel a sort of uneasiness.

Going through life was hard enough with my friends, and the people surrounding me every day. But when I'm in NYU in a huge campus with a sea full of people who I've never known my entire life. Will things get easier? Or will they be much worse?

Will I really be happier?

I push the thoughts out of my mind as I get ready for the graduation party Alex is throwing at his families huge cabin.

It's the last day all of the seniors are going to get to see eachother and I couldn't wait to go. But I didn't know what to do as I went through my closet. The party was going to be by the lake, everyone's is going to swim and jump into the water and Alex told us all to wear our swim suits.

The only issue with that is that unlike may of the other kids in my class I have scars. Many scars. From my fathers years of torment, and from my own stupidity as well. Although I haven't self harmed in quite a while, the scars haven't faded and they won't be fading for a long time.

A bikini would put my scars, bruises, and bite marks on full display for the whole senior class to see. And I can't have that. I don't want to be stared at, questioned, or pitied by my peers. I don't want to leave our last night together as a whole class being remembered as some freak with weird marks all over her body.

Sam and Noelle know about my dad now and what he'd done to me but even they haven't seen my scars on full display. I'm not brave enough, I'm not strong enough to fearlessly show them off to the whole school. So I wear a white one piece and cover my arms with a thick black scarf.

The scars on my upper thighs are hidden under some plain white shorts and with that I head out, finding Sam parked by the gate with Noelle beside him in the passenger seat.

The don't notice me walking up to the car at first so they continue on with their conversation. I watch them from the gate, they were laughing and smiling so much that it was hard not to tell they were madly in love with each-other.

Noelle bites her lip and Sam's eyes flicker down to her mouth for a millisecond and then back up to her eyes. Nothing happens, he doesn't make a move but both of their cheeks are rosy and they look away like little shy kids.

I can't help but smile when I get into the backseat. 'Hey hun how are you?' Noelle says turning around in her seat to give me a hug. I squeeze her tight and grin once she pulls away from me.

'I'm good. But to be honest I don't know what to do about these marks.' I don't know where I got the courage or bravery from to admit this to them but I do it and I watch Noelle nod slowly in understanding and Sam turns around in his seat to face me with concern.

I pull down the scarf so that the bite marks on my shoulders show. The two of them study my marks but then they look away rapidly and painfully so they don't stare at them for too long. 'Here.' Noelle murmurs pulling out a white jacket from her bag. 'Wear this, it's comfy and it'll cover it up better than that scarf.' I take it and thank her for the gesture, and then we're on our way.