Falling ♡ Timothée Chalamet

21 - fear

I'm staring at the familiar bland walls of my father's house, a place I used to call home.

The smell of cheap wine and cigarettes fill my nostrils and the warmth I used to feel whenever I entered my bedroom is gone now. What replaces that warmth is a chilly feeling laced with fear and loneliness.

I walk over to my small shabby mirror and stare blankly at my reflection. I'm staring at my twelve year old self, its only been a few weeks since my mother's passing.

The void I felt after her loss was still incredibly deep and the pain in my chest was still fresh. My eyes fill with tears at the mere thought of her and I turn my young face away from the mirror and leave my room, walking over to Aaron's bedroom beside me.

He's laying on his bed, the lights are off but a strong ray of light enters from behind his curtains. His eyes are wide open. I enter and Aaron doesn't make a move to acknowledge my sudden appearance. He only continues staring off into space and as I make my way over to his bed and lie down beside him he finally lets out a soft sigh.

'Are you okay El?' He asks finally turning over to face me and putting his attention on me rather than his plain white walls.

I shake my head in reply to his question, and that is enough for him to understand what I'm going through. He looks into my eyes and reads every thought that goes through my mind. My eyes read... I miss mom. I'm scared. I want to run away from here. I need to leave.

His eyes speak volumes as well and I can tell we are both on the same page because both of our eyes have grown glassy and wet with tears in these past few minutes. We don't say much though, we just lie down silently, thinking everything over and it's almost peaceful until our father comes barging in.

He opens the door so harshly that it aggressively slams into Aaron's bedroom wall. I didn't know this at the time, but the force created a dent in Aaron's wall and it's still there to this day. It was never filled in or fixed. 'I thought I heard footsteps.' My father says and he walks towards us yanking me from where I was on the bed so I'm standing up beside him now and he's holding me in his grasp.

'It's twelve p.m what are the two of you doing home?!' He's squeezing my arm so hard that it hurts but I don't cry out in pain, I just wait until he lets go, but he doesn't let go.

Aaron notices my father is intoxicated so he tries to keep his voice calm and steady. He fears yelling at my father might trigger his anger, but my fathers anger comes without need of a trigger. 'Dad it's Saturday, we don't have school.' Aaron says standing up from his spot on the bed and walking over to us slowly.

My father shakes me violently, his hand still clutching onto my arm tightly. I want to cry, I know his tight hold will leave a mark on my skin but I hold back the tears. 'Don't lie to me, I'm not stupid.. do the two of you think that because I'm not your mother I'm an idiot?!' He shakes me harshly again and I want to escape his grasp but I'm too weak to do so.

'I know you're influencing your little sister to skip school with you Aaron, I'm not a dumbass I know when I'm being lied to.' He spits at Aaron's face, his grip on me tightening with every word that escapes him and at this point I can't handle the pain so I whimper and I cry out in pain, I yank my arm hoping I'll be free of him but all I feel is him crushing my bones with his strong grasp.

'Dad you're hurting her!' Aaron screams trying to walk towards me and help, but it only results in him getting shoved back onto the bed with my fathers free hand.

'DON'T FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!' My father screams at Aaron and then he turns me around so I'm facing him. My eyes meet his and I know he can see the tears that stream down my face, and the look of disgust that I wear when I look at him. 'Go to school.. now.' His words are sharp and laced with anger. 'I'll deal with your brother. If he wants to skip school he can do it under my watch. As for you, I expect good grades and a perfect attendance.' He finally lets go of me and once I'm free I don't waste a second, I immediately run out of the room.