Epoch | JENLISA | on-going

Venture Out

A/N: I'm sorry I took too long to update but here you go. Happy holidays everyone ❤❤

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Shit.

Everything was fine until it wasn't.

I didn't even expect that it would fall this fast but I only it would happened soon but not now.

Not yet, atleast.

It was fine that I got away from her but every passing moment of being far and alone sends anxiety deep inside me that I want to run back to her and the comforts of my home, to snuggle my dogs and sleep on the mattress I have grown to love and see all the things I own and be comfortable in my own skin. And most especially to wake up to the smell of bacon and everything that I love.

It was fine, no, it was great that I was sheltered by aunt Elise and Uncle Park and I'm thankful that I have Chaeyoung by my side, letting me experience what it feels like to have a sister and a family that wouldn't s- wouldn't be like her. Gods, I feel so bad for feeling this but I couldn't stop it. I love it here, I do but I can't always ask for money or for support. I couldn't always feed myself the food they buy and walk on the house they built. I couldn't abuse the kindness they show me even they aren't complaining or anything.

But it feels wrong to be so freely accepted and be accommodated. It feels so wrong to walk so casually and not look behind your shoulders every once in awhile- to not fear for your life or your freedom.

Then the clique. Oh gods. Chaeyoung's friends are amazing, don't get me wrong but they aren't... what I envisioned to belong to when I entered this school.

Her group- as amazing as they are as people and fun to hang out with- are too specific for my taste. Guess what? Chaeyoung is a fucking cheerleader here and she didn't even mention that to me! Which means that the five of them are the Cheerleaders, like the mean girls type of popularity but they aren't mean. They are so sweet and very full of energy that they say hi to everyone and be entertained by boys and compliment everything. Jesus, when I say everything I MEAN LITERALLY EVERYTHING!

That bothers me a lot because I fear that they are just sugar coating the flaws and "ugliness" of a certain thing or a person just because they are like that. I'm not saying they're pretentious and plastic- no, they aren't, don't get me wrong but it's just so fucking unreal to me that people could pretend not to see all the wrong and focus on the right.

It scares me.

Who knows what they could hide behind their smiles when they are out of sight or how their mind says one thing and their mouth says the opposite.

There's nothing wrong with that, I get that, I understand but I want bluntness and no shittery. If your dress is ugly or your make up is slightly smudged then I'll tell you because you deserve to know that something could be improved.

I'm rambling and I'm probably not making any sense but I have decided to meet different people and see the interesting side of each and everyone.

Someone snapped their fingers infront of me.

"Jennie,"

I blinked and raised my brow in question. "What?"

"Lunch?"

"I-" I looked her in the eye and thought of an excuse. "See, Chaeng... I'm-"

"Not going to eat lunch with you. Again." She sighed as she finishes my thoughts.

I gave her a sheepish grin. "But that's not what I'm going to say."

"But that's what you're planning to do."