Carla x Monty- Holiday Heartbreak

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 9TH

I'm already DREADING school tomorrow.

Why?

Because we have a floating skills test in swimming class.

Hey, if a human was meant to float, we'd be made of plastic. And instead of having a belly button we'd have a little nozzle thingy so we could be pumped full of air, just like a tyre. I'm just sayin'!

Whever I try to swim in the deep end of the pool, I pretty much sink right to the bottem.

Like a really heavy rock.

But that's not the worst part!

Do you have any idea of the very gross stuff that's lying on the bottems of swimming pools?!

It's like an underwater lost-and-found down there. . .

What I really need is a swimming-class excuse form that other kids and I can use to get out of swimming class. . .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SWIMMING-CLASS EXCUSE FORM

FROM: .........................................................
(YOUR NAME)

TO: .................................................................
(NAME OF SWIMMING INSTRUCTOR)

RE: Medical Excuse for Swimming Class

It is with
□ great sorrow
□ a really bad headache
□ food stuck in my teeth
□ a funky foot odour

that I inform you that I am unable to participate in today's swimming class. Last nigt I discovered that I'm severely allergic to
□ my mom's meat loaf.
□ my little brother's boogers.
□ most crawling insects.
□ water.

After swallowing just a tiny ammount, I became really
□ nervous
□ dizzy
□ constipated
□ confused

and accidently fell
□ into the bathtub
□ down the stairs
□ in love
□ into a snake pit

and totally busted my
□ liver.
□ tailbone.
□ nose.
□ baby toe.

Due to the massive trauma qI suffered, I suddenly and unexpectedly went into
□ a medley of show tunes.
□ a closet to hide from the tooth fairy.
□ a fit of involuntary hiccuping.
□ my sister's room to yell at her. 

I was rushed by ambulance to the emergency room, where the doctor told me I was lucky to be alive. Apparently, exposure to the high concentration of
□ spit
□ bacteria
□ disease
□ belly-button fluff

found in pool water could be deadly and cause both a serious infection and a severe case of
□ abnormally hairy legs.
□ irritable bowel syndrome.
□ compulsive chicken dancing.
□ projectile vomiting.

Of course I am
□ totally devastated
□ suprised and shocked
□ dazed and confused
□ completely baffled

by this awful news. As a health precaution, my doctor has ordered me to avoid pool water for at least the next
□ week.
□ month.
□ year.
□ decade.

Thank you for understanding my health situation and being so amazingly
□ sypathetic.
□ ugly.
□ gullible.
□ stupid.

Sincerely,
........................................................................
(YOUR SIGNATURE)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Am I NOT brilliant?!!
😊!!