Fated

Ch. 45

'He still looks at you the same way' Sana said to me when we visited her on her daughter's first birthday party. Zain had a very important conference to attend so I didn't push him to cancel his plans to come with me but just as I finished getting ready I got a message from him asking me to wait for him as he finished early and wanted us to go together. I turned my head and looked at Zain who was talking to Wasim Bhai at the time, a beautiful small angelic daughter softly swaying in his arms. Zain caught my eyes and smiled at me. He seemed a little worn out but tried to mask it with a sweet smile that matched with the emotion in his eyes. Before meeting and marrying Zain when I heard people talking about love in the eyes of a lover, I didn't quite understand it but now I did. When you are in love with someone, you look at them a certain way. You look at them differently, with care and gentleness, with longing and respect, with hope and happiness, with trust and honesty. That's they way he looked at me and I wished that whenever he looked at me, he saw the same emotions in my eyes for him.

'I thought it'll change but it didn't' I told her, realizing that even after three years of marriage, it still felt special whenever I looked at my husband.

'It does, you're lucky' She replied, and I looked at her, waiting for her explanation. Did anything change between her and Wasim Bhai.

'Is everything okay between...' I started when she remained quiet.

'Yes...yes everything is fine...it's wonderful, he is a great husband a wonderful father...but with time, the way I look at him and he looks at me has changed. We used to make time for each other but after Hooriya, it's been difficult, we both love each other but now we love Hooriya more. Our daughter has become our top priority and we are trying to find our way back to each other, I suppose it's part of parenthood...I am sure you'll understand one day' She said to me with a smile.

Zain and I were trying to conceive. When I first found out that I was going to have difficulty in conceiving, I panicked. I thought I was failing, and sense of judgement by the society and sadness started to hover my life, but Zain and his family helped me. About a year and a half ago in the middle of the night, I broke down. Zain was asleep in the bedroom and I went to get some water from the kitchen, and I lost it. After sobbing alone in the kitchen in the middle of the night, I felt Zain entering the kitchen and I looked at him and quickly wiped my face. He didn't say anything, he just came towards me and wrapped his arms around me. We stayed like that for which felt like hours and when I raised my head up from his chest and stared into his eyes, I didn't see any worry for the future or whether or not we'll be able to have our own child one day, I only saw worry for me. He was only concerned about me. His love made me stronger, his standing by my side in testing times allowed me to answer back those people who said insensitive things to me about not having a child without even realizing how much pain they were causing inside my heart, him standing up for me against the social pressure, an expectation from a married women to get pregnant in the first years of her marriage made me strong and gave me hope to continue to live a happy life with a man who loved me with or without a child.

'Maybe I will' I smiled back. Becoming a mother was my dream but it wasn't my only dream. Being with Zain and his family who were now my family too, they never once made me feel any less because I couldn't conceive. In this process, I realized the importance of a having a supportive partner and in-laws, if they weren't so understanding and caring then my life would have been complicated, difficult and painful.

'Zain is coming' She looked in his direction and I followed. He came and sat next to me, dropping his arms over my shoulders.

'Thanks for coming, we thought you weren't going to make it tonight' Sana spoke to Zain.

'I thought I was going to miss it too but then I realized that Zeeshan and Anum aren't here too so I should be here with Maya' Zain replied, knowing how much I appreciated when he made such efforts.