It's late and I'm bored.

The Feelz I Get From You

It's so amazing...
How you make me stutter when I speak...
How my stomach flutters when your eyes meet mine...
How my breath catches when our fingers brush...
How your arms feel around me...
It hurts so good...
When you laugh at me stumbling over my words...
When the flutters become thrashings as your eyes narrow at mine...
When dots creep into my oxygen-deprived vision and your hands disappear...
When you walk away from my embrace into hers...

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So with this Karter guy, I'm pretty much a masochist of the worst sort. One that allows themselves to be hurt solely because it's SOMETHING from their crush or loved one. I relish in the pain he brings me because he caused it. What the hell is wrong with me? That was rhetorical. Which means, don't answer it. Seriously, DON'T.

Many things are wrong with me. I am just now realizing how unoriginal this book is and how many people must be doing the same thing. Well that is in need of changing. Right now it is labelled as random. I will be putting under some random category now. Yay. Ew clicky noise. No shut up keyboard. Perhaps nonfiction or teen fiction because it's my reality and your fantasy haha. You wish you were me. Cx ha even better of a. Joke! I doubt many of you wish you were me right now.

Didja know, in the last two places I have lived, I have had psychiatrists?? They're wonderfully helpful people. I haven't been to see mine in a while but I'm sure if I did, I would start to feel better. I'm getting no satisfaction out of life right now. It's slowly causing me to crumble inwardly like cake. It's eating away at my insides and I hate it.

I found out something interesting about myself. When I have a really bad night, the next day, I am UBER energetic and happy. I think it's my brain overcompensating for my sad mood but I was asleep so it just built up and all came out during the day cuz now I'm Bleh again.

Hey, Nex and Nessa :3 thanks for being great friends ^_^ i couldn't do this without your support. You make me want to write every day haha. I won't but I want to ^_~

I like the sound of my blood pumping through the my veins. When I sit up after being upside down off the side of my bed, I can hear the blood rush past my ears and if I put down my head against my scarf around my neck, it tightens and ip can hear the blood flow. It's so soothing. Like the rumble and sway if a car. I always fall asleep in cars. I can't help it.....

I'm tired. Goodnight.