Confessing feelings

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Okay. Today is the day i'm going to tell Carl. We were getting ready for a war with the governor. In case anything happened, I wanted Carl to know how I felt about him.

I went out to the fences where he was getting his gun stocked up with bullets. "Carl," I started but he continued without looking up at me. He just handed me a gun. "Uh thanks but that's not what I came to do." I smiled awkwardly. He was so concentrated on his weapons that he refused to look up.

I waited for his reply, he looked up from his gun. "We don't have time for other discussions." He said in all seriousness. "Well the governor will be here, and incase anything goes down I want you to know."

He huffed and started on loading other guns. "Go on." I cleared my throat, taking a deep breath in before letting it all out.

"Since I've met you, I've felt this spark. Like we have something. And you're handsome, smart, funny, caring, and know how to handle things. I've never met a boy like you, considering there aren't even that many teenagers anymore anyway. I love the way your hair falls, I love your blue eyes, and your smile, and the way you are with Judith. I guess what I'm trying to get out is that I like you a lot." I breathed out feeling confident.

That is until I looked at him waiting for a response. He didn't look at me the whole time I talked, he reloaded and gun. Finally after a couple silent seconds, he followed his eyes up to my face but they were emotionless and cold. He didn't say a word as he begin to walk away.

My heart shattered. The person I cared about didn't care about me at all. It all sunk into me, that it didn't matter if I died or not. My eyes began to water and the ache in my stomach was unbearable.

Before I knew it, the governor and his troops showed up. Hershel was killed and then all war broke loose. Fires, bombs, shot, grenades, everything. It was a disaster. I couldn't find any of the group and I started to just sink to the ground on my knees. I felt a grab on my shirt and my heart raced, ready for a walker to sink it's teeth in me.

Instead, it was a beaten up Rick. He yelled at me to "c'mon." We ran out into the woods, Carl and Rick both had puffy eyes, but I didn't dare look at Carl after that. I was too embarrassed. We walked a couple miles, Carl was in a pissy mood. He walked faster while Rick limped around. I decided to stay back at Ricks pace of course.

At first we stopped at a BBQ Shaft, then in the evening we found a neighborhood. We cleared a house, I ended up sleeping in a bed upstairs. There were two more beds but Carl and Rick ended up downstairs.

The whole night I tossed and turned, dreaming up scenarios of what awkward tensed moments were to come of Carl and I. It would never be the same and it's all my fault.

Stupid y/n. Who expresses their feelings in a world like this. That was the last thing I said to myself before my eyes drifted asleep.

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The next morning I was awoke by Carl, yelling rude things to his dad. He'd been out in the neighborhood and apparently he'd saved us. "I'd be fine if you died" I heard him say and a door shut.

Anger flooded my veins, but I was too embarrassed to talk to him. Not after what happened at the prison. I walked downstairs, getting a wet cloth and padding at Ricks cuts and bruises. He didn't deserve the shit Carl was giving him.

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About two hours later I heard the door open and shut again. I listened for a minute to make sure it was Carl. I heard a loud sigh from him and went back to reading my book in the bed upstairs.

I could hear vast footsteps rushing up the stairs but i didn't wanna look up, afraid to look at him. He walked into the bedroom quickly, he threw the book out of my hand. I honestly thought he was mad and he was gonna hit me for a split second, but then he grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me up to kiss him.

I could feel the urgency when our lips pressed roughly together. His lips felt perfect, but I don't give in that easily. I pushed him back. My face showed confusion and anger. "Don't you start that with me Grimes." I fussed at him.

"Start what?" He beckoned before trying to kiss me again. I pushed his shoulders back once more. "I confess my feelings and you blow me off like you don't give two shits and now you're trying to lead me on. No." I gritted my teeth.

"No." He said in a frustrated tone, grabbing the back of his neck. "I was worried, about the war. I needed to get ammo together. I was afraid. I was afraid that something would happen to one of us. Yeah we made it out alive but the rest of us are gone. I know that I have you now and I don't wanna ruin it." He grabbed my shoulders gently and I didn't resist.

"I've liked you since the day I met you too y/n, and I'm sorry I sent mixed signals but I need you." He pleaded, he moved in to kiss me again and this time I didn't resist.

I want him and he wants me, and for once I'm getting what I want in this world.

(This was a request, I made a few modifications to it, but I hope you like it!)

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