friends with benefits - jenzie

isolating

i was going crazy. absolutely mental. what started out as friends with benefits turned into me starting to actually like john, and that was a MAJOR problem. he didn't like me and he never would. 

"hey, mackenzie? are you all right?"

i was laying in my bed, trying to push the crazy thoughts out of my head. "sophia?"

i heard my door open so i pushed the blanket off over my head and saw sophia in my doorway. she skimmed her eyes over my disastrous room before looking at me. "hey love, you okay?"

i sighed. "no."

she walked over to me and played on the other side of my bed. "what's going on?"

i put the blanket back over my head and mumbled my words. "ijlikejhohn."

"what?"

i sighed and moved the blanket off my head once again. "i like johnny." sophia's face brightened u with a "i told you so" look. "and i know i said i didn't, but i thought i didn't. but i guess i was just denying it because i didn't understand what i was feeling and it kind of scared me to think that i could actually like him, and now i'm here, liking someone who'll never like me back just because he's using me for sex and other things. the worst thing is i'm using him too and i don't want it to be that way, i want to date him. i want to go on cute dates like that one night and watch the stars and watch movies together and cry together and cuddle and kiss. goddammit, i want him! i want johnny and i don't know how to deal with it because i want him to be mine, i want to be able to call him mine, and i want him to call me his." i finished with my rant, then put the blanket over my head again.

"mackenzie?"

"yeah, soph?"

"it's okay to have feelings for johnny."

"i know. i just want it to be over. i guess i'll have to end whatever i have with him until this crush blows over."

"or you could talk to him, tell him how you feel, or continue what you have with him." she laughed.

i didn't say anything. yeah. do that stuff and ruin everything.

i felt sophia's weight move off the bed. "i am going to help clean you up. get up, get dressed. you're coming to school today. get in the shower."

i did as she said. while i showered, she tidied up my room and picked an outfit for today.

i hadn't gone to school in two days, all because i'm trying to avoid johnny. he's questioned me, of course, but i just said i had the flu and i didn't want to give it to him. the worst thing is, he dropped of a stuffed teddy bear and a couple of his hoodies to keep me warm. i didn't talk to him, i pretended to be asleep while him and my mom conversed.

soon we were off to school.

i opened my locker.

after getting my books, i closed the locker door and i jumped. johnny stood behind it, smiling. "you came to school and didn't tell me?" he put his hand on his heart and pretended to look hurt.

"awe, damn, sorry. didn't know you were my mom." i couldn't help that a smile rose to my lips. 

he bit his lip. "nah, i'm your daddy."

that's hot. "shut up, john." i rolled my eyes playfully.

"so you're better now, i assume?"

i nodded. "sophia dragged me to school though...hey, i thought we agreed we weren't gonna talk at school?"