Edward Cullen's Little Sister

Chapter 9 - Stuck

They repeated this over the next few days. Jasper would remove his influence and I would talk to someone but Edward always came up and I'd go into either hysterics or some kind of state thinking about how I might have actually lost him forever when I didn't even know what I'd done so couldn't fix it.

"Ellie, please talk to me. We can't keep doing this," Rose said around a week after my date with Kyle. I had stopped keeping track of the time after the first two days.

I took a deep breath. "All I'd wanted since my transformation was to see Edward again and I didn't think it would ever happen," I began. "But then I moved to Forks and unbelievably, he was there. It took a few days but I finally felt like I'd gotten my brother back. But after Bella's birthday, it all went again. He was angry, and I get why. But I didn't hold that against him in any way, I knew I deserved to be yelled at for what I did."
"You didn't deserve it, Ellie. Everyone struggles," Rose comforted me.

"I disagree but anyway. I was angry at him for leaving Bella, we all know that, but he won't let it go and I don't see why. I apologised for it. I'd hurt so much after we hadn't spoken in months and I felt like I'd lost him and now I think I actually might have done. The only difference this time is I don't understand what I did to make him angry and I don't know how to fix it."
"I'm sorry, El, truly I am. I don't remember my brothers too well but I know I'd hate it if one of them wasn't speaking to me and I didn't know why. He has to visit at some point and we'll all help you when he does. Would you like to come downstairs with everyone?"
"No," I answered dragging my knees up to my chest and looking down at the bed "I think I'd rather just stay here."
"If you're sure," Rose said, placing her hand on my shoulder. "We're all here to talk if you need it." I nodded but didn't look up as I heard her leave the room.

I sat on the bed trying to keep my thoughts from my brother but at the same time wanting to think about what had happened.

I'd been sat on the bed for awhile when Jasper appeared in the doorway.

"Can I talk to you?" He asked.
"Of course," I answered, scooting over on the bed so he could sit next to me.
"I know you've been struggling the past week, I can obviously feel it too."
"Oh, I'm sorry Jasper, I'll try and control it so you don't have to."
"That's not what I mean, El; you shouldn't try to hide your feelings from me, or anyone. We have to know if we're going to help."
"But what can you do? You can't help me if no one knows the reason Edward is angry with me." Something flickered behind his eyes but I ignored it. I wasn't in the mood to think about anything right now.

"See how you were feeling there?" He asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Where you don't want to do anything. It has taken less and less influence to make you go into that numb state and I think you're only going to get worse. You need to wake yourself up a bit, do something. At least come and hunt with me this afternoon?"
"I really don't want to, Jasper. Thanks, but I don't feel like doing anything today."
"I know you don't, which is the problem."
"Why? Why is it a problem that I'm too exhausted to go and hunt?"
"Because vampires don't get exhausted. Plus you haven't hunted in a week. You're eyes are pitch black, you're getting too thirsty."

"I'm perfectly capable of feeding myself when necessary," I snapped.
"Angry is better than numb," he muttered as he stood and made his way to the door. "I'll be downstairs if you change your mind."

I didn't. I sat on the bed sinking further and further into my numbness. I kept expecting myself to snap like I had been over the last week. Numb, hysterical, numb, hysterical. But now it was just numbness. I sunk further and further.

-~-

Jasper came to visit me the next day. He spoke to me again and tried to make me hunt with him but again I refused. I could feel the burn creeping up in my throat. It had been too long but I just didn't have the energy.