Life As a Beta's Mate: Sawyer's Regret

Ch.31

Ch. 31

By the time Sage finally made in it home, all she could do was flop down on the sofa and curl into a ball. She had so much on her mind, that it all made it almost too impossible to focus. She was worried sick about everything that was happening, and she was just plain sick from what she now recognized as 'morning sickness' though she had no clue why they chose to call it that, especially when she was puking her guts out at all times of the day. Only god knew how lucky she would have been to make it through the day without throwing up all over the place; but she wasn't as lucky as she wished she was.

In fact, she found herself running to the nearest bathroom and hurling after receiving the news that another pack had been attacked. She figured that with hearing the horrible news on the Montana pack and how no one seemed to make it out alive had taken its toll, but with the added stress of knowing that Sawyer was there and was now nowhere to be found, her poor stomach just couldn't take it.

She'd only been grateful that Holland and Mila had offered to take her home so that she could rest. It took everything in her to convince the two that she was fine to stay by herself, so that she could clear her mind. As happy as she was and as lucky as she felt to have them in her life, she knew how much they worried about her. And ever since things went south with Sawyer, they're concern for her had risen far beyond her expectation. But all and all, she loved that they cared for her. She just needed a little time to try to pull herself together.

Kicking her shoes off, and pulling her feet up onto the soft sofa, she found herself resting her head on its arm and sighing softly, as her mind veered back to the last time she saw Sawyer.

She couldn't help how awful she felt, knowing that it was her fault that he'd left on a whelm. She blamed herself for the hurt look in his eyes when she screamed at the top of her lungs how much she hated him, and how she angrily yelled how much she hated him. In this moment that she had alone, it killed her to know that she literally told and wished he'd drop dead. And as a silent tear slipped from her face, it dawned on her that maybe she had gotten what she wished.

She felt awful, and lower than low.

How could she tell the only man that she'd only ever loved to die? How could she wish harm on him that way? How could she turn on him the way she had? How could she hurt him like that?

In that moment she wished right then and there that she could take it back, that she could take it all back. She wished that when he first rejected her that, she'd stayed firm in her decision and fought for them. She wished that they hadn't gone seven years without speaking to each other, because for everyday of those seven years, she craved to hear him call her Parking in the humorous taunting way he'd always done before. She wished that on the day that her Grams past that instead of spewing hatred at him, that she would have turned and ran into his arms where he'd hug her tight and tell her that everything would be okay. And lastly, she wished that on the day he came to tell her that they'd been interlined this entire time, instead of jumping down his throat and wishing harm to him, that she'd listened and told him that they'd get through it. At the moment she wished that she could take everything back, but now as she lay in silence with all of the thoughts on her mind, clueless of the state of her soulmate, she regretted that there may not be a chance for her to make things better.

Sinking deeper and deeper into a dark place, Sage found herself placing a gentle hand on her belly, taking her thumb and rubbing at the now flat surface of it, knowing that again, there was something else that she couldn't take back.