Fear and Delight (Alastor x Reader)

Chapter 21

You twisted a bit, reaching and grabbing onto something, anything that would stop the sensation of falling form taking you. Alastor was there, grabbing your hands and holding them tightly as the headache set in. You stared at the red-eyed man and put your head back, groaning. He simply chuckled, resting his chin in his palm, "Good morning, darling. Did you have fun?"

You gave a small nod, looking down as he continued to hold your hands, "Angel and I went out."

"I smelled that, my dear. I should ask you to refrain from drinking so much next time," he chuckled. "You also confronted James?"

You stared at him, blinking before looking away, "Not-not very well." He hummed and stared before holding a glass of water to you. You took it as you sat up, sipping at it and wrinkling your nose at the strange taste. "What's in it?"

"Something for the headache, darling," he laughed. He sat on the bed and stared, his smile turning into a small smirk. "Darling, I wish to ask you something." You looked up to him, feeling your ears perk up a bit.

"Yes?"

"Do you happen to like someone," he asked. You blinked as he continued to stare, his smile unreadable.

"I-I do," you nodded slowly. He stared longer, the silence slowly making your insides turn. He finally looked away, walking to the table where you saw the doll. The smell wasn't in the room anymore but the stare was still creepy. Alastor pulled the string on it's back, letting out a long, dramatic sigh as it spoke.

"Do you ever wish to be physical," he asked. You frowned, looking down at the glass in your hands.

"I mean," you rubbed your face, your ears going back. This was strange, even for Alastor. No one asked these kinds of questions normally did they? "Yeah. I want to be physical. I think it's an important part of liking someone."

"How so, darling," he turned after laying the doll face down on the table. You stared up at him, thoughts running through your head. You wanted him to touch you, to kiss you, to hold you skin to skin as intimately as possible. Damn Angel for drawing out this side of you. These emotional roller coasters weren't something you indulged yourself in. You never had.

"Kissing, holding hands, hugging," you quickly looked away when you realized you had been silent and staring for too long. "Maybe sex if its-if it's consensual." You really couldn't see yourself finding anyone like that. Alastor you wished would but it wasn't your place to push that on someone. If anyone but James wanted you, you knew you'd give them a chance.

Alastor hummed, walking back to the bed and coming eye to eye with you, "And if they love you but find the thought repulsive?" You stared, your heart feeling as though it would crumble and turn to dust. What was he talking about?

"I would," you quickly looked away, "I would have to accept it. I can't change a person." He let out a loud guffaw, standing and holding his hands out to you.

"See? Even the sweet (Y/N) can't change people. In my opinion, Charlie is so optimistic it's such a sweet sight but its unrealistic! You can't change a person unless they want to," he nodded. He began to pace around, summoning his cane and using it to walk. You stared at him, dropping your head and your ears. He was right and there went any thought of trying to win him over. Any hope that he would even fall for your attempts if you made them.

"You can plant the seeds of change but it's the soils that let it grow," he proclaimed. You slowly pulled yourself from the bed, grimacing as you had slept in the clothes Angel let you borrow. You had an appointment with Charlie and it was the perfect excuse to leave this conversation.

"It is," you nodded a bit. You began to slowly change, pulling on one of the blouses Alastor had gotten for you and pulling on suit pants.  Alastor was watching and you hadn't realized until you turned around. You forced a smile to your face. "I have an appointment I need to keep. I'll be gone for a little bit."