To The Toxic Person In My Life
Nah, you aren't toxic, just wanted a topic. A dramatic one. I don't know, you're cool and all. I like you, a lot. Funny huh? That you might be the toxic person in my life yet I like you. I don't know, really, I don't. I just. . . . . . . I'm attracted to you. Attached even. I don't know. I'm confused.
I want you yet I don't. I told you, I have a bad habit of making people fall in love with me. But that wasn't the complete truth. I make them fall in love with me then I leave them. But sometimes I really don't.
I tried doing that with you too. And I guess it worked. Only, I fall for you too. I don't know, I just. . . . . . .I just did. How or why, I don't know, I just did.
And I spent an hour in the bathroom crying because I know there won't be more. Because I know more will ruin what we have, what we share. It'll ruin us. I know you're messed up and all, and that's why I love you even more. The broken you. I'm obsessed with it.
I wanna fix you and feel you. I want more. I want more than just texts and light hugs, I want to feel you. In every inch of my body. To wake up to you. To be able to kiss you every time I want. Hold your hand and walk down the streets with you.
I wanted more. But then it's gonna ruin us. It's gonna scare you. And I don't wanna lose you. I know I'll never have more. I understand you'll never be mine and that's fine too. It's impossible to get you off my mind. I wish I could make you mine.
I always think about you. About us, but then my heart breaks every time I remember it won't happen.
I won't call you toxic, because you're not. I want to heal you. But the only person that could ever heal you is you. Expectations kills. And us being together comes with that. It requires commitment, and commitment is feared. It's just so hard.
I love you. So much. I need to detach myself from you. Because it hurts to love you. I think I'll try to bury how I feel about you.
I know being with you will hurt me, I know. Because I'm delicate. It's gonna break my heart, but I promise I'll be good. Hurting will never stop me from loving.
So, to you, the toxic person in my life, I wanna say sorry. Sorry that I couldn't make you a better person. I'm sorry that I couldn't help you. I'm sorry that I couldn't see you through. But most importantly, I'm sorry for loving you.
